Page 18 of Conflicting Lyrics
What a big mistake that was.
Her name popped up right away. It was a news article about the competition, and she had become a finalist in it.
Not only did she end up making it to the top three, but she won the whole thing.
By the time I was done reading the article, I was a sobbing mess because I was so happy for her. Everything she worked so hard for came true. She was following her dream.
It wasn’t just the competition she won. She also ended up with a recording contract with her uncle's record company and was currently in the works of producing her first album.
I knew at that moment that the need to reach out to her would have to be squashed.
I can’t. There’s no way I’m going to bring my complicated life with all my trauma and baggage down on her.
She deserved the world, and I couldn’t offer her anything but a life with complications.
Once we get to the center, I’m bombarded by other members. Sweet people who’ve become sort of friends to me, asking me how everything went and wondering if I’m okay.
Thankfully, Lisa told them all to let me be and give me time. After a few sympathetic looks and some ‘I hope you feel better’s, I’m able to escape to my room.
Locking the door behind me, I try to hold back the tears as I pull off the dress I wore for the trial, tossing it into the dirty hamper.
Needing to get this grimy feeling off me, I head right for the shower in my connected bathroom.
One of the things I love the most about this center is their respect for an Omega’s space.
Each living space is the size of a bachelor's apartment. It’s small, but it’s everything we need. Our own bathroom, a little kitchenette, a living space, and a bed in the corner.
My favorite part is a large closet-sized space meant to be our nest.
Some Omegas feel like their room is a good enough space, but not me.
The first night in this room, I grabbed everything off the bed and dragged it into that space, making a makeshift nest for the time being. It’s where I curled up and hardly left for days.
Eventually, I was in a better mindset to head to the lower level where the center has its own store. Yup. A store just for the Omegas with pretty much any materials you might need to make a nest. And all of it is free. The only rule is, don’t take more than you need.
Over the past few months, I’ve slowly been working on making my nest perfect.
After I shower, I feel a lot better. Any time I’m in a room with my parents or Pastor Don, I get this gross feeling. A feeling of wrongness. And it only goes away after a good hot scrub.
Throwing on a big, fluffy robe, I pile my wet, blonde curls into a towel and head out to my dresser.
I dig through my drawers in search of something to wear, grabbing underwear and a pair of fuzzy socks.
Knowing it’s pointless, but doing it anyway, I make an effort to look for a pair of pajamas. But like always, I reach for my favorite T-shirt.
One I’ve been wearing every night for the past month since the day it came in the mail.
Holding up the black and pink tie-dye shirt, my stomach swoops when I read the words.
“Fuck the world, and all the haters in it!” Down at the bottom is a printed signature.
Ally Cat.
She used my nickname, the one I gave her, as her stage name. A name she’s turning into her brand.
That has to mean something, right?
Pulling the shirt over my head, I snuggle into it and sigh, letting myself be delusional in believing that maybe, just maybe, the girl who haunts my dreams, and every waking moment of my life, just might, still feel something for me.
