Page 19 of Conflicting Lyrics
Yeah, Lulu, hate. She feels hate. Because how could she still want anything to do with you when you shattered her heart?
Letting out a heavy sigh, I make my way over to my nest. Snuggling up in my favorite blanket, I turn my fan on and close my eyes, trying to focus on the sound of the hum and the cool breeze against my face as I pray for a dreamless sleep.
It doesn’t happen. It never does.
On repeat, in my mind, is the devastated look on Ally’s face when I hesitated and ruined everything.
“I’m sorry,” I murmur, half asleep. “I’m so sorry.”
And I was. Always will be. Until my last dying breath.
“All packed and ready to go?”Lisa asks, standing in my doorway, eyes filled with tears.
“Stop it!” I laugh, grinning wide, but my own eyes well with tears as well as I walk over to her, pulling her in for a big hug. “This is a good thing.”
“I know,” she sniffles, holding me tight. “I’m just gonna miss you.”
Emotion clogs my throat. “I’m gonna miss you too,” I whisper as I bury my face in her neck.
Lisa might have started off as just someone assigned to me when I came to the center a few years ago, but it didn’t take long for her to become something of an aunt-like figure to me.
After the dust settled and the whole trial stuff was put behind us, I started to allow myself to heal. Through every step, Lisa was there for me. For all my ups and downs. My wins and losses.
She’s been the only person in my life for a long time now that I care deeply about.
“Okay, no more tears.” She sniffs, taking a step back. She grabs my shoulders and takes a deep breath. She’s a beautiful woman with long black hair and bright blue eyes. Something about her calms me, making me feel safe. She’s an Omega like me, and I think that's helped a lot with our connection.
“I’m so proud of you, Lulu.” She smiles brightly, a tear rolling down her cheek. “You’re going to do amazing at Calling Wood. I just know you will. And if you need anything, call me, please.”
“I will.” I nod with a smile, taking a shaky, nervous breath. Her words hit me hard, making my chest tighten. I can’t remember the last time someone was proud of me. But she always has been. It’s helped keep me going. The desire to prove myself, to show I can be a good person. I can be better than the life I’ve grown up in.
“We'd better get going, or you're going to miss your flight.” She pats me on the arm before stepping past me into the room to grab a few bags. I laugh, knowing I’m going to be at the airport way before my flight is set to leave, and grab a few bags myself.
Last week was my twenty-first birthday, and I’ve been a wreck ever since.
Being an Omega, you’re always faced with new changes. It’s a never-ending roller coaster of new emotions and feelings, discovering new things about yourself.
The center has offered me a safe place to learn about my body and how it works.
I love being an Omega, but sometimes it can be lonely. It’s in our nature to want to be loved, cared for, needed. For us to bond with an Alpha, to care for them as well, to make them feel loved and wanted.
I know I’m not going to be able to get those experiences here at the center. The best place for that is Calling Wood.
Here I’ve been taught everything I need to know about being an Omega; all about Alphas, Betas, pack dynamics. You name it, I now know it.
One of the perks of being at the center for as long as I have been is that I get to bypass the mandatory first year of basic Omega lessons like Omega 101, a Home Economics class that Calling Wood requires before getting to enroll in all of the more educational courses that will help me get a degree in a career I want.
Even so, I still have no idea what I want to do with my life. I just know I want to be hands-on, involved with other people. Once I decide which career I want, I’ll take the right courses. For now, I just want to do what looks interesting and could be helpful for my future.
My plan is to go to Calling Wood, branch out, enjoy life, make new friends, and have new experiences.
I’m not the same person I was when I first came to the center. I’ve grown into this whole different person. Sometimes, I don’t even recognize myself.
More confident in myself than I’ve ever been before, I have a take no shit attitude. And while I still don’t trust easily, I’m a lot more open to the world around me. Not as closed off as I was before.
No more meek, little Lucinda. Nope. I’m Lulu Carter. An Omega who says what she thinks with no shame. I’ve spent waytoo long keeping things in, keeping my opinions to myself. I hate being ignored, being silenced. I’ve become more bold, brave, and no longer care about pleasing others or what they think of me.
I’m me. And I have no shame. It’s freeing.
