Page 2 of Conflicting Lyrics
“Wouldn’t take much to do that,” Ally mutters. She hates my parents—always has. I don’t blame her. They’re not good people. They act like they’re the most upstanding citizens, putting on this facade for the world, but behind closed doors, they’re some of the most unhappy, judgmental people I’ve ever met.
A part of me loves them; they’re my parents. Doesn’t mean I like them, though. I’ve been waiting to turn eighteen, graduate, and get the hell out of this town.
Ally and I have plans to go to California. There, I’ll attend the University of Science and Medicine, while she pursues herdream of singing. We’ve been planning this practically our whole lives. Now it’s just within reach.
All of it is riding on whether I pass my exams or not. I’m an A student. So, I should have more confidence in myself, but… I don’t. At least not right now.
“Lulu.” Ally grabs my shoulders, pulling me away from the lockers, turning me slightly to face her. My pulse kicks up just the slightest bit as warmth flutters in my belly. I quickly shove that feeling deep, deep down as I look at her. “You're way too hard on yourself. You're literally the smartest person I know. You've got this. You crushed those exams. I know you did. You spent weeks studying. I thought my ears were going to bleed if I had to hear you ramble on about an answer to another damn science question.”
“Dramatic much?” I laugh, rolling my eyes.
“Never.” She grins. “Now. Let’s go! No more worrying. There’s nothing we can do but wait for the results. Tonight, we celebrate never having to step foot in this hellhole again. So, get your stuff out of your locker and let’s go!” Ally is practically bursting with excitement, and it’s hard to feel the weight of dread on my shoulders when I have my bubbly, happy-go-lucky friend.
“Okay, okay!” I laugh, putting the combination into the lock before opening my locker. Grabbing my backpack, I open it up and place a few books and other odds and ends in it before zipping it up. “Okay, I’m good,” I say, closing the door.
Her brows furrow. “That's it?” she asks in disbelief, grabbing the locker door and pulling it open. “Huh,” she murmurs, eying up the empty space. “I’m not surprised. You're always so… oddly tidy.”
“Or…” I smile. “I took most of my things home yesterday.”
“Of course you did,” she sighs. “Alright. Now, let’s go.”
As we walk out of the school building towards the parking lot, every step feels like a weight is being lifted off my shoulders.
I’m not entirely sure how I feel right now. While I might do really well in school, it doesn’t mean I actually enjoy it. Sure, learning new things is fun, but the courses I had to take this past year were all geared towards helping me so that I’ll get accepted into a good medical program at a great university for medical school.
This is a career path that was set out for me as soon as I could recite my ABCs. With my dad being a lawyer and my mother a nurse, it’s been expected of me to do better,bebetter. Because the idea of them having a child that is less than perfect is their own personal hell.
Growing up, I was pretty sheltered. My life has been filled with a multitude of restrictions and toxicity.
Living in a household with people who devote their entire lives to God and being good Christians means everything I do is observed and questioned.
Their motto is:a clean, pure life will equal a happy life. And to my parents, that's exactly what I am: clean, pure, and happy. I’m the smart, kind, little virgin Mary, and it’s a role I’ve had to play in order to survive.
For a while—up until fourth grade, to be exact—I believed the bullshit they were shoveling down my throat.
That was until I met Ally. This full of life, bouncy, little curly brown haired girl. It was like she opened my eyes to a whole new world. I went from walking around in a zombie daze to being an excited kid who was hopped up on sugar.
She walked right up to me, asked me my name, and told me I was her new best friend. Now ,seven years later, and here we are.
Ally has been the only piece of my life that’s kept me from falling apart, from crumbling under the toxic pressure of my family and caving in on myself.
I wasn’t meant to live in their world. That's why I need to get out of this little town and start a new life.Mylife. One with the only person who’s ever seen the real me and never once judged me for it.
Yet, I still find myself wanting to please my parents. To do good so I don’t have to face their disappointment.Yay, childhood trauma, am I right?
As we reach Ally’s rust-bucket of a car, I pause at the passenger door to glance over my shoulder, my gaze lingers on the building. This was the place I spent the past four years of my life.
Now that part is over, and a new one will take its place. I’m both thrilled and terrified for what's to come.
“Earth to Lulu,” Ally singsongs.
“Huh?” I ask, turning around to face her, blinking out of my little moment.
“You good?” Her brows dip with concern.
“Yeah, I’m good.” I smile, then open the door to get in.
I toss my bag into the back, buckle up, and turn to face my best friend before asking, “So, what exactly are we doing tonight?”
