Page 58 of The Love Comeback
I put my truck in reverse and back out, heading out of her neighborhood. I steal glances over at Ella as we make it to the stop sign, and once I realize she’s not going to talk about anything else, I reach for the radio, turning up the music. Some other song plays, and thankfully, it’s not remotely as triggering as the one before it. Some other woman sings about falling in love, and I tune out, focusing on getting us to the river safely.
And Ella? Well, she just stares out the passenger window like I’m taking her away to prison or something.
I want to ask her how her day was and how Colton’s day was. I want to know every thought that crossed her mind today, but I know better than to ask. I feel the weight of the conversation that’s to come.
“This is really pretty,” Ella’s voice breaks my thoughts as I pull into a spot that faces the glory of the water. The sunset casts a warm glimmer across it.
She’s right. Itispretty.
But probably not pretty enough to convince her to love me again.
“So… You wanted to talk…”
She unfastens her seatbelt, and for a moment, I think she might get out of the truck, but she doesn’t. Instead, she just nods, angling her knees slightly in my direction. “I won’t take much of your time, Kade. I know you probably have a lot more important things to do.”
“Uh, no,” I respond, furrowing my brow and running my hand over the leather steering wheel. “I never have a problem making time for you or Colton.”
“Um, okay. Well, I just wanted to start by saying I’m sorry for getting so offended over you and your teammates paying for the travel team. You were just trying to help out, and it was a really nice gesture. Not just for me, but for all the families involved. So … thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” I reply, a wave of relief washing over me. “And I’m sorry for pushing your boundaries. The guys and I truly just wanted to help out Colton and all the other kids who made the team.”
She nods slowly, her gaze drifting out toward the lake once more. “I know. And I know you have a big heart when it comes to helping others.”
“I really would do anything for you and Colton. Just say the word.”
Her eyes close, and she leaves them like that for longer than I’m comfortable with. “You know, my ex-husband started out being really,reallyloving. There was nothing that he didn’t say to me.”
Well, this is a strange direction of conversation…
“In fact,” she goes on, “when we first got custody of Colton, Landon acted like it was one of the biggest blessings in his life. He loved the idea of being a dad. But that was just it… He loved theideaof being a dad. He didn’t actuallywantto do it.”
“I see.” I bite my tongue, wanting to inform her that I’mnother ex-husband, and I don’t intend to ever fall in love with the “idea” of being a parent to Colton. If I ever had the chance to step into that role, I’d love it for the good days and the hard ones.
“I know I briefly mentioned this to you before, but things started getting really rocky between us at the one-year mark of having Colton. It was hard for Landon to see past the therapyappointments and the transition pains of taking in a little boy who had just lost his whole world.”
My heart squeezes in my chest, trying to imagine what little Colton must’ve gone through. “I’m so sorry…” The words slip out with sympathy as I find my fingers covering Ella’s.
She sucks in a sharp breath but doesn’t retreat. She lets me linger. “I so badly wanted Colton to have some semblance of family. Some stability. But Landon didn’t care. And, well, you can’t make someone stay who doesn’t want to be there.”
But I want to be here, Ella.
“The divorce hurt,” she continues, “but it was nowhere near as painful as watching a little boy try to make sense of losinganotherfather figure less than two years after his parents died. One that wasaliveand willingly choosing to forgo a relationship with him. Landon walking out on us made getting over him easy. I’ve never looked back. But Colton didn’t deserveanyof it.”
“I understand what you’re saying, and I’m sorry that you and Colton went through what you did. Neither of you deserved it. But you need to understand something from me,” I pause, waiting for her reaction. She seems to sort of nod, and I squeeze her hand. “Iwantto be in Colton’s life. Me helping him with hockey and cheering him on isn’t aboutyou. It’s abouthim. The bond we’ve created is special, and I don’t want to lose that.”
Her eyes glimmer with moisture, and I momentarily wonder if I’ve messed up by being so direct with how I feel. She pulls her hand from mine, shaking her head, and my heart sinks.
“I don’t understand why you always say all the right things,” she mutters, looking toward the window instead of me. “You’ve been that way since the moment I met you. You ride in like a knight in shining armor and sweep me off my feet.”
“You’re making it sound like that’s a bad thing.” I lean back against the seat. “I don’t understand what you’re getting at.”
“You broke my heart, Kade,” Ella snaps, whipping her head around to look at me again. This time, there are stray tears sliding down her cheeks, and the way they rip into my chest isn’t fair. What’s evenmoreunfair is the fact that I know I’ve caused a lot more of them in the past.
I try to choose my words carefully. “I never should’ve walked away from you, El. But that was a decade ago. I was just a kid. I was under a lot of pressure, and I thought I was doing the right thing.”
“But that’s just it, Kade. You always think you know what’s best. Back then, it was letting your parents talk you out of us. Now, it’s paying for things I said I didn’t want help with.”
“You’re right. I didn’t stand up for you. I didn’t even stand up for us. I was so scared of messing up my shot at the NHL that I let my parents convince me I couldn’t have both. And you know better than anyone that I was never good at school. Hockey was my entire lifeplan—”
