Page 14 of Surviving the Break
“I wantedpower,” he said, dubious at his own stupidity. “I’ve since learned that power is the delusional man’s dream. It’s built on fear.” He stood, buttoning his navy blazer. “Marisol taught me to seize every moment.” Coming around the table to lean close, he whispered, “I don’t waste time pretending.”
My nostrils flared, I closed my eyes, and he left me there tofeel.
ILEFTThe Center shortly after Ash. Pluto whined with his head on my lap the whole drive home. Sensing my despondency. I let the weight of my hand on his back reassure him as I steered the truck along the expressway with the other. The light drizzle required wipers but wasn’t heavy enough to prevent the mind-numbing noise of rubber grating against dry glass. It had a negative effect on my already sour mood.
My collisions with Ash were growing in their intensity. Mostly due to his inability to keep his thoughts and opinions in check. If I were being honest, his ability to see through me and call me on my shit didn’t help either. But it was more than that.
No one in Chadwick knew about my life back home. At least nothing beyond the surface details. Justin received the Cliffs Notes one night when we were hanging in front of my firepit. He’d just finished divulging his life story to me, and I’d had enough beer in me to feel inclined to return the favor by sharing the fact that the man that I’d given everything to cut me so deep that I’d be bleeding for the rest of my life.
No one cared to know. No one knew to peer that deep. Ash, however, found interest in the hidden parts of me. He wouldn’t settle for the cursory details. And when I looked at him, I saw myself for what I really was—scared and stunted.
I thought I had Ash pegged. A smooth-talking conqueror on the prowl. Hearing about his clinic, what he called his proudestwork, brought me up short, and a river of disgrace flowed through me. I wrapped my hand around my chain. Granddad would be so displeased to see that I no longer implemented his lesson.
I pulled into the driveway and sat there staring dejectedly through the windshield at the garage door. The rain was coming down in sheets now. Every part of me felt battered and bruised. I breathed and tried to hold it together. I began to hyperventilate when my heart, that didn’t allow anything in but was open to every prickly, stabbing sensation that went out, began to expand in my chest as if making room for something.
I ran into the house with Pluto, and, soaking wet, I trudged up the stairs, heading straight for my bedroom, and yanked my bedside drawer so hard it hit the floor.
I took a hold of my old, decrepit wooden box from the fallen contents and held it to my chest. My pulse evened out from the reminder of what was at stake. With my guards back in place and a newfound determination to maintain my status quo, I made a silent vow to myself.
I will not let Ash in.
6
ASH
The clinic on Main Street always brought my spirits up. Entering and seeing my favorite patient, Trish—I’d never tell her that—sitting in the waiting area, her cherubic face and jade eyes lit up with a smile, brought a smile to my face as well. “What are you doing here? Causing trouble for the staff?” If Trish’s knee so much as itched, she ran to the clinic.
“I’m not that bad, Dr. J.” She tried to appear wounded as she rolled out of her seat to stand.
“No, you're worse,” I laughed, and my nurse’s assistant, Noelle, hummed in playful acknowledgement behind the front desk.
“Hey, I just got here. No way could I be driving folks bananas that fast.”
I indicated for Trish to follow me. The clinic was set up like a triage unit. Beds and exam tables lined the large space and were sectioned off by curtains, with a couple rooms off to the side for appointments that required more privacy. We went into my office, and she took the seat in front of my desk while I slipped into my lab coat. “How do you plan on torturing me today?” I asked, settling into my chair.
“I actually just stopped by to confirm how often I should be taking the new pills. Noelle was about to call you.” Her words were low and mumbled, and her gaze dropped to her lap.
“The prenatal vitamins?” The directions were on the bottle.
“Yeah.” She fidgeted with her hands.
“Trish.” I waited for her to look up. “What’s really going on?”
She sighed. “Camilla’s my friend.”
The girl who’d had her baby taken away. I nodded in understanding.
She rubbed her belly. “I wish she could stay in here forever.”
“We’ll figure something out before the time comes,” I promised. Trish was eighteen. She showed up two months ago, early into her pregnancy with nowhere to go. I’d immediately placed her into one of our temporary housing units, but the grant restrictions wouldn’t allow for us to house her after she delivered the baby.
“What if she’s taken from me because I can’t take care of her?” Beneath her eyes reddened, and she blinked back her tears.
“You’re working through the program. You passed the general equivalency degree exam, you’re registered for online college courses for the upcoming summer, and we’ll find you a place to stay after you have the baby. I promise you. No one will take her away from you.” I needed to work out a way to make housing a more permanent situation so that what happened to Camilla didn’t happen to anyone else. “How’s everything been since your last appointment?”
“Well, since you asked.” She immediately perked up, and I sat back in my seat wishing I had brought popcorn to the show.
DUMPINGthe sweaty sheets and boxer briefs into the laundry room, I padded naked on bare feet through the kitchen to the pool and dove in head first.
