Page 35 of Surviving the Break
“So do I, and neither have I,” he whispered.
I slipped a dry finger in, up to the first knuckle. Ash swore, the sound lost inside our kiss. We would be turbulent together. While my dominant nature leaned more toward reserved in its appearance, Ash wore his on his sleeve. He would attempt to own me, and I’d have fun letting him try.
My finger found his nub and began to graze it, and the vein that ran up the underside of my cock pounded like a heartbeat.I could fuck him like an animal right here, on this floor.Or he could fuck me like a beast let off its chains.
It’d been so long since I’d had sex. My body had no issue with reminding me. Some of the weight I’d been carrying had been relieved on that couch tonight. I had a feeling Ash’s ass would feel the brunt of my drought.
“Fuck, Max,” he moaned, separating from my lips. “Why are you leaving again?”
Pluto picked that moment to pipe up. We glanced at him, and my finger slipped free. Ash turned my face back to him by my chin. “Don’t change your mind. Promise?”
Was that a promise I could keep?“I don’t want to.” The best I could do. He closed his eyes and rested his forehead against mine. I wanted nothing more than to swear I’d give him what he wanted, be who he needed me to be, but change didn’t happen overnight. And although I’d subconsciously made up my mind on that couch totry,there was a good chance I’d wake up the next morning loaded with regret. The idea turned my stomach because Ash was worth much more than my indecision. Already, I was hurting him. “Are you sure I'm worth the headache?”
“Yes,” he said before our lips crashed together with a force that shook my whole world.
ON THE DRIVE HOME,I did what I did sometimes when in the mood for torture. I replayed the saved voicemail messages from my mother. How far I would go down the rabbit hole was dependent on my frame of mind. On a really tough day, one where I missed her and my father unbearably, I’d listen to them all. My pain from her heartache and my joy from hearing her voice were in such opposition to the other that they often left me unable to feel anything. The clash of sad and happy rendered me numb. My father was never the one to call, but he could be heard in the distance offering her his support. The pain in his strength was so potent. He’d be hurting today. Granddad’s birthday. It was our ritual to sit around the fire on this day every year and swap stories. Instead I gave my portion to Ash. Who did Dad give his to?I should call.
I hit play on the very first message. Received the night I fled Kentucky with my dog and no plan. And without saying goodbye.
“Son, it’s your momma.”
In the background, Dad shouted, “And your pops, son!”
“Your dad and I stopped by the house a little while ago. We saw Hayden. Oh, honey...” Her voice hitched. “Please let us know you’re okay.” She sighed. “We love you.” Dad told her to give me some time before the call disconnected.
The other messages were more of the same, and I listened to them all.
At the red light, I dropped the back of my head against the headrest and closed my eyes. So much for the pleasure I’d received in Ash’s arms a short while ago. Pluto climbed into the front of the cab, barking low in his throat and licking my face before resting his chin on my lap.
My dash lit up with an incoming call from Sam. I checked the time, then answered. “Sam? What’s wrong?”
Her voice blared through the truck speakers. “Are you coming home, or are you gonna leave me here to play with your dildos?”
So many questions flew through my head. How did she get here from Kisla? What was she doing here so late? Dildos? Not knowing what to address first, I went with my usual first reaction to her antics. I laughed my ass off. “If you’re talking about dildos, then you must be okay.” And just like that, some of the weight from before left my shoulders.
“I’m fine. I’m a miracle. Ask the doctors if you don’t believe me.”
“Hmmm.” It’d been a little more than a couple months since her accident. “Wait. Did you ride your bike? Where’s Justin?” Pluto barked at the hands-free system; he didn’t like the idea of her on a motorcycle either.
“Awwww, love you too, Ploots.” Her nickname for him. “Justin picked me up. I hung around his place for a few hours. No way was I spending the night. I hope your exterior walls are reinforced enough to keep him and Damon’s moaning from getting in here.” It sounded like she was shuffling about.
“Will you take a seat? I'm almost there.” I looked both ways before proceeding through a stop sign.
“Okay, okay. You’re as bad as Justin. See you soon.”
“Sam?” I rushed to say before she hung up.
“Yeah.”
“Did Just tell you what today was?” Wouldn’t surprise me if that was her reason for making the trip. I’d told her about my granddad while she sat with me to get the tattoo.
“He might have.”
“Justin talks too much.”
“He cares. Now hurry before the clock strikes twelve and I turn into a puddle of orgasm.”
Another round of laughter escaped me. “I don’t own a dildo, Sam.”
