Page 57 of Surviving the Break
I’d started a new life. In some ways, a better one. Pictures of Justin, and Sam, and The Center flashed through my mind. Of Pete—my overwhelming love for Pete. I got to run my own business doing what I love. I’d gained a mother of sorts in Paula. And then there wasAsh.
Any doubt that lingered in my mind as to whether or not I was still in love with Hayden, Ash came into my life and smashed those doubts to pieces. I might’ve been holding on to something for Hayden, but it wasn’t love. At least not the love of the heart. That belonged to Ash, and I couldn’t wait to one day tell him.
Falling in love with Hayden had been breathtaking. These small gasping moments that I experienced over time that left me winded and dizzy. But it was a careful kind of love. Loving him was like walking on glass. The foundation weak and nondurable because Hayden could never be content.
Falling in love with Ash felt like being skinned alive. Painful in its uneasiness. Its honesty. With Ash, I was wide open, belly up with an unprotected core, which terrified me. Ash made me feel like theone.The only option.He set me on fire, and the me of right now wanted to beburned.
I had to forgive Hayden. For me, not for him, because holding that grudge in such a vice grip really came down to me wanting the power of holding something over him. That false sense of power came at a steep price. Forgiving him was about letting go of the poison that kept me tied to the pain caused by his actions, so I could move on.
I stepped into the kitchen to find Mom dipped in Dad’s arms. She laughed as he nuzzled her neck. “Hey, don’t break my momma.”
They got upright. My mother, now winded, pushed her wavy brown hair out of her face and examined mine. She brought prayer hands to her mouth and said through a tear-filled smile, “There’s my boy.”
THE RESTof the morning into the early evening I’d spent helping Dad down at a job site. Like old times. I’d promised my mother I’d be back early to help her with dinner, so when Dad wasn’t ready to quit, I left him to it.
A few lights away from the turn that would’ve taken me to Wardskeep, I passed a car that had broken down on the shoulder of the four-lane roadway. “What the hell?”
I pulled over to the side, close enough so I could see from my rearview but far enough that I wouldn’t be of any importance to the motorist.
I watched from the pickup’s side mirror as he came from behind the wheel to the front of the car, feeling around the grill for what I assumed was the hood release. He held the hood up with one hand, while raising the hood strut with the other, then dusted his hands off and walked to the rear of the vehicle.
He didn’t bother checking the engine, so raising the hood for him was a cry for help. To alert passersby that he required assistance.
Once at the back of the car, he squatted, looking down at the tire. A flat, then.
He stood, running his hands down his face. He removed his cell phone from his pocket, and after what appeared to be several frustrating failed attempts at making a call, he held the phone toward the heavens. The setting sun caused him to squint.
Curious, I looked at my own phone. As I thought, no signal.
I went back to watching him. He paced the entire length of the car twice and then tossed the worthless phone through the driver’s side window. I imagined it landed on the passenger seat. I wasn’t in the mood to change a tire, but when he kicked the front wheel and winced, hopping on one foot, I took pity on him.
I threw my truck in drive and made a U-turn. Riding a little ways past him on the opposite side of the road, before U-turning again to pull in behind him, I got out and approached. “You need a hand?”
His smile was slow forming. “You have a sucker in your mouth.”
I laughed. “Yeah. So?”
He closed the distance and combed a hand through my hair. “What else am I going to discover about Kentucky-Max?” he asked with excitement, his predicament all but forgotten.
I removed my watermelon sucker. “Well, how long you plan on staying, darling?”
“I heard I was needed.” Ash cupped my face. “So, I guess for as long as that’s true.”
“Forever then,” I whispered before he kissed me. I broke the heated exchange and ran my eyes over his berry-hued lips, only slightly at odds with his dark skin. His gray eyes—that at times shifted between the color of a dark and stormy night to the pale glow cast by the moon— watched me with open love.
“They give citations for public indecency out here. Maybe even jail time,” I said. His laughter rumbled through him like thunder. “God, how did I ever think I could do this without you?” Only one thing could’ve made that moment perfect—
My eyes widened at the sound of barking. “Pluto,” I breathed, racing to the back door to let him out. I fell on my ass when he charged at me, swiping his tongue over my face and climbing me. Perfect. I had everything I needed.
“YOU REALLY CAN’T CHANGE A TIRE?”After I changed the tire on the rental, Ash followed behind me to my parents’ house. “This might change things.”
“Do I have to remind you of all the other things these hands can do?” Ash asked. Heat lit up my back. “Get your head out of the gutter, Max. I’m talking about bringing life into this world.” The sadistic twist of his lips said he wasn’t.
The front door opened. “Are you boys coming in tonight? I’m hungry.”
My dad ended up beating me home and helping Mom with dinner. I called ahead of time, once we got cell service, to give a heads-up about Ash’s visit. I had to hold the phone away from my ear or go deaf from Mom’s squeal of delight.
We let Pluto out of the car and followed him inside.
