Page 6 of Duke's Daring Bookworm
“No. No, no, no, no, no.” I just kept repeating that as if it would erase the last five minutes and reset the boundary I swore to myself I would never cross. At least not after—No. I wasn’t going there.
Maybe sex. Her voice in my head sounded so clear, almost as if she sat next to me, witnessing my shame. My cock gave a valiant twitch, and I knew, given the chance, it would love nothing more than to sink into Lily and feel her warm embrace.
I don’t know how long I sat there, cum cooling on my shirt, breath erratic, panic and desire warring with each other. I planned on telling Lily no if she asked for a kiss. Hopefully, she wouldn’t ask, that in the light of day she would feel, not shame, but reticence or anxiety about asking me and I wouldn’t have to deal with it at all.
I knew all too well drunk actions do not equal sober actions and the light of day can change your mind on something you were so sure of in the night.
I’d hoped that would be it.
I did not want Lily.
Long after I’d become sticky, and the cum dried into a crusty mess on my hands and shirt, I stood and took advantage of my private bathroom to clean up. The shirtwas… ruined… probably. I certainly didn’t want to give it to my cleaner.
“Oh, sorry, Mr. Wilson, I pounded one out and accidentally thought of my best friend and how perfectly she fit in my arms and how soft her lips were and how—” Nope. Not going there again. Even that much and my dick twitched, valiantly trying to harden again.
I groaned.
This was not going well.
I looked at myself in the opulent gold-ringed mirror.
“Listen here, you degenerate sheep-biting asshat, you will not get hard to thoughts of your best friend. Again. You will not think of her that way. Lily is so far off-fucking-limits that she might as well exist in a different universe. Got it fuckwad? She deserves better than this.”
The truth of that rang in the bathroom around me and lanced through me as surely as a bullet. She deserved better than a man that ran away and joined the Marines out of fear, a man that threw himself in harm’s way at every turn because he couldn’t face the reality of his life. She deserved better than the playboy I let myself become.
Maybe… No.
That would be beyond unacceptable. I couldn’t… I just couldn’t.
I pulled out my phone and messaged Frankie.
duke
throw away that stupid note on the fridge
don’t read it just toss it
please for the love of all that is holy
DON’T ASK QUESTIONS
just PLEASE throw it away
… no response.Shit.
It was a long shot. I knew that. Frankie hated me. At least she used to, but I like to think she’d thawed to me over the years. I hoped that would be enough for her to do this one thing.
So much for stress relief so I can refocus.
I left the bathroom, throwing my shirt in the trash on the way and grabbed a spare shirt Ethan insisted I keep in here for ‘emergencies,’ though I doubt that word meant the same to him as it did to me. I can’t imagine a single actual emergency that would require a spare $1,100 Gucci shirt.
Though, I guess here I am using it.
My computer screen had gone dark. A tall lamp on a low walnut table on the opposite side of the too damn big room cast a faint golden glow, providing the only light in the otherwise dark room.
I closed my eyes and breathed deeply before sitting back down at my desk. Unfortunately, the board meeting wasn’t going to wait, and these reports weren’t going to read themselves.
Somehow, I’d lost control of my life, and I couldn’t figure out how to get it back.
