Page 118 of Judas

Still feels like I’m missing something and I know just the person to reach out to. Leaving the door behind, I move across the room to the nightstand where my phone is sitting. Feet sinking into the soft fibers of the carpet, the luxurious feeling of them caressing my soles and trying to squeeze between my toes with every step. I’ve been wrapped up in so much since getting here, well… since Ra left… that something as mundane as carpet is a sensation I’ve not given much thought to.

I miss him—oddly. Birdie, God how bad I need Birdie right now. The only mother figure I’ve ever had. Tora, well, she’d show me how to secure Sadie and disappear. Monika would help in never being found. Jerrika? She’d help Sadie get through the mental things she’s struggling with. Then… there’sFury. Knowing Kace facilitated our meeting leaves a hell of a bitter taste in my mouth. What do you do when you find out the one friend you’ve had all along, wasn’t a friend to begin with? Perhaps that’s why prison still seemed so lonely, my subconscious knew it was a lie.

Locating my phone, I bring up the text thread I’m after and shoot off a message.

Me

Fuck you.

Then move on to the next.

Me

At what point were you going to tell me you were only a friend because someone told you to be?

All of these people, every single one of them, are fucking terrible. How they can look each other in the eye, form alliances, and not question the motives of the other is beyond me. Then to think they’re all here because of Kace—Sadie too. Everyone except Lucien. Maybe if I would have left Kace alone, none of this shit would have happened.

You wouldn’t have Sadie then.

Fuck, I know that! Right now, I still might not have her. Praying she is safe and alive isn’t enough anymore, I need to know for certain she is. I’ve got to lay my eyes on her to assure that there’s still enough of Sadie left in her mind to bring her back. Going down the path she is on, she will end up locked away in a mental institution or prison. Which, Sadie ending up like any of us isn’t something I want for anyone— especially her.

The shit Kace pulled is inexcusable, I hope he knows he will be paying for it for a very long time. Whether I’m with him or not. Sadie will ask questions eventually and the vindictive side ofme cannot wait to watch him struggle through that conversation. Asshole deserves what’s coming to him.

Dropping the phone on the bed, I start to undress. Feeling the film of sweat left across my skin from our fight and the dry salty-tracks of tears down my face has me feeling sticky and gritty. I need to wash away everything, scrub my body from any of the imperfections surviving on my flesh, the ones too deep to reach I can always cut out by shoving them behind the metaphorical door in my mind. It didn’t work that well when the trauma came pouring out with Kace. Now that I know what allows the door to fly open, I’ll be sure to avoid putting myself in a position like that ever again.

I’m almost bare when the phone lights up with a notification—a new text thread that I didn’t initiate. Picking it up, I see that it’s Ra and Fury.

Since when can you share text threads with multiple people?

Ra

Fuck you too, Precious.

Fury

‘Precious’ that’s cute

Me

The hell do you two want?

Fury

Rude, you text us

Me

I asked you a question. What I sent Ra didn’t warrant a reply.

Ra

Everything that comes out of that smart fucking mouth of yours warrants a reply.

Fury

Want answers or not cause there’s this new guy here that I could get to know

Me

---