Page 126 of Judas

Great.

I did everything I could to avoid Kace this morning. Right when I thought I would make it out of this apartment without having to truly deal with him, especially since he’s given me space like he said he would. Unbeknownst to me, he was scheming. If it’s not one thing, it’s another. Sighing, hoping the words I’m about to throw at him don’t come off as a raging bitch because I definitely feel like one. Turning, my back presses against the door and pins my hands on the knob at my lower back.

“Yes, I’d like to make it there before nightfall.”

Close enough.

“I’ll drive you.”

“No need, you have a busy day today and I can drive.”

“Wasn’t a request, Nadia.”

Irksome, aggravating, maddening, vexations, exasperating. Is that enough words to explain Kace at this very moment? At least from my point of view. Always testing me, exerting control, not letting me breathe. Biting the inside of my cheek, I look at him across the open floor plan and watch as he empties the rest of this coffee into the sink and rinses it out. His naked back on full display, the muscles shifting just under the skin like a snake's scales would over its own lean and muscular body. Fitting, cause he’s been one the entire time I’ve been trapped within his reach.

I get it, you overgrown coatrack, you want to shoulder everything for everyone else. Pile it up, you can take it.

Rolling my eyes, I push away from the door and go to sit on one of the barstools at the island bisecting the living room and kitchen. Sliding onto it, I brace my elbows on the hardcountertop and stare at him as he takes his sweet time—ready to cuss him the hell out.

“If you’re going to be my chauffeur today, at least hurry up. I’d like to get going sooner rather than later.”

“I’m hungry, you’ll have to wait.”

Color me surprised when he doesn’t head to the pantry or the fridge after that. Guess he’s going to cooperate more than what he led on. Tilting my head to the side, I follow him when he makes his way around the island—like a tornado he suddenly changes paths. My heart stutters at his redirection. In a rush I try to jump off the barstool but he captures me and I squeal.

Kace takes my spot on the tall chair and hoists me up and deposits me on the island top. His upper body nestles between my thighs where I can’t close them. Frustrating—I have shit to do. Boy do I wish they were spring-loaded with industrial coils to crush him with.

“Pick something up on the way, since you’re adamant on derailing all of my plans today.”

“Why, when I have food at home?”

“W… what?”

Not answering me, Kace pushes my shirt up and grabs hold of the button on my jeans, raking the zipper pulley down the metal teeth shortly after. I slap at his hands and shove them away, glaring at the man sitting below me. His hands then reach under my knees and push them back, tilting me back where I can’t fight the force anymore and crash back on my elbows.

“Kace!”

“That’s more like it.”

“The fuck are you doing!? I have to leave.”

“Told you, I’m eating. Now tell me ‘no’ or shut up and let me enjoy the taste of you.”

Out of his goddamn mind, he is. Tension settles over us where the anger in my cheeks gives way to a flush. Staring down atme, a smile breaks across his face and I melt like a damned fool. He’s so pretty. His shitty personality takes away some of the cool-points, but one long look at Kace hasn’t ever been enough. Blond hair I’ve had my fingers tangled in, features I’ve dreamt about since the day he disappeared, then the changes—they’re characteristically him. Him as in Havok.

I was awake for far too long last night, fighting with myself over what to do. How my heart longs for someone who doesn’t exist anymore. Tears soaked silently into my pillow when I thought about the parts of the man I’d never get to meet. Remembering the younger version of him in that photo Ra sent me. All of the expressions I’ve seen come across his face while we butted heads and I tormented him in Darkwater.

Broke my own heart again reminiscing over what could have been. Long shifts at the prison, watching him get older while serving his sentence, dedicating my life to that hell hole just so I could see him every day. Then I remembered promising myself that I’d let him go. I was lying to myself when I thought I could do it then, now though? Now’s the time.

He was right, the man I fell for all those years ago is dead. This is the version of him I have now. Similarities exist, of course, it’s the way he fights for everything he has that pushes me but makes me feel so secure. I’m not going to change overnight, by no means, but I’ll eventually let him in. Allow this Havok side of him to love me just as hard as the inmate who stole every part of me.

Choosing not to protest, I lay back on the unforgiving countertop and lift my hips. He doesn’t hesitate either, interpreting the motion the exact way I intended. Kace’s fingers finish with the zipper then dip behind the waistband of my jeans to slide them off my hips and down my legs.

“Like this?” He asks, bringing my knees to my sides with my jeans still trapped around my lower legs. “Or do you want to be on your stomach?”

Take your life back, Nadia.

I have to tell myself a few times over. Nightmares surfacing at the question.

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