Page 152 of Judas

Five years later

My wife and daughter.

My whole existence.

My night… and my dawn.

I can’t help but sit aside and watch them together. There’s something about watching the woman you love with every damn fiber of your being, spending time with your only child. We may never have another but I wouldn’t trade this for anything.

We fought for everything, I’ve nearly lost my life twice trying to be the man Nadia needs. The one who chose to love her despite everything she has done, anything she has experienced, and whatever chaos she may bring in the future. Along with our completely unhinged daughter, she keeps me on my toes more often than not. At times, I can’t fathom what it was like to truly raise her, even if I watched from the sidelines like a fucking creep. Nadia was right, I did some stupid shit but look at us now, a family.

Two months ago Nadia and I said our vows to one another in the tiniest ceremony—one step up from a courthouse shotgun wedding. My mom and sister were furious that we chose to do it that way but it’s what Nadia wanted. Her circle decreased to almost nothing when she went inside and that left a hole in her heart that she is too afraid to fill with anything but our daughter and myself.

Between you and I, I like it this way. I have too much time to make up for and I’ll be damned if I let some flaky ass friends come in, consume time she could be spending with me, then hurt her feelings. If she chooses to keep contact with the twins and Fury, that’s on her, but even they can fuck off.

Especially Ra, he better be glad I didn’t gut him where he stood for touching what’s mine. Nadia glares at me when I bring him up, saying I was dead—bla bla—and he was the one that made her feel safe, and it was only a kiss.

Fuck him.

Either way, my family wanted to see me marry Nadia in an extravagant event. Every bell and whistle you can imagine, the pomp and circumstance, flaunting our relationship around as it ‘stood the test of time.’ No it didn’t. It suffered. We suffered. MyWIFEstill stuffers. They wanted our friends surrounding us, my ‘throw-money-at-the-problem’ father, people we don’t even know, the press, the whole world.

They don’t deserve us, don’t deserve Nadia nor Sadie.

On the other side of that coin, I know I hurt my mom’s feelings by not letting her have a chance to partake in something monumental like her only son's wedding. She just wanted what was best for her son, and the woman he loves, but our wedding was about us. Not about making some statement.

I couldn’t give a flying fuck about anything else, Nadia and Sadie are everything I will ever need. As long as I get to spend the rest of my goddamn life with these two beautiful souls, I’ll be a happy man.

Tonight we are at theOnce Broken, Twice Revived Mental Health Awareness Eventin Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. An event that focuses on psychosis and subsequent conditions like schizophrenia, bipolar polar disorder, hallucinations, and psychotic depression.

Things my girls deal with on a daily basis.

The event is being hosted by my father’s company, PattonTech. Benefactors from countries across the globe gathered here tonight to network and toss around some cash—a tax write off, of course. Here under the guise of charity, they network, party, and end up doing shady shit. But, as long as the charities get their funds, I’ll behave.

Programs like ours suffer when there are not enough people who care in the world. Not enough to assist in finding rehabilitative opportunities, who would rather shove pills down a patient's throat versus help them navigate life. Or, at times, end up incarcerated.

Over the past several hours, I have been introduced to some very interesting individuals. Lieutenant Colonel Logan Morrow of the Wretched spec-ops, Detective Dante Sinclair, and reintroduced to Sister Deidamia.

My boys from Cain Defenses came too, Elias hung back in Oregon to hold down the fort. I guess being out here once wasenough to last a lifetime. Hunting Lucien was rough on him, I saw the ache in his eyes when he looked at Sadie one too many times. You know there’s a pain in that man that runs bone deep, so, I don’t blame him for staying at their HQ.

Outside of the legitimate groups I’ve encountered tonight, most are here to throw money like my good ol’ dad. Their event photos will likely be the only form of publicity they share on socials, faking their concerns for awareness. Brushing the problem under the rug while the rest of us spearhead the organization and keep focus where it is due.

Take my girls for example, Sadie has been heavily medicated for most of her short life, Nadia in therapy. Many patients like them have arduous histories of abuse, violence, and jail. Many of which were not given the opportunity to obtain adequate intervention. Mostly due to the expenses and lack of available resources. Which, ultimately, is why there is about 1.7 billion dollars of net worth walking around this venue.

I know Nadia's, Sadie’s, and Lucien’s problems stem from their mother Clara Bardot—who I made it my next mission to investigate to the fullest extent. Public records, private records, sealed medical records too. I have been hunting down everything on this woman to figure out how to help my family.

Clara became pregnant shortly after she left Nadia’s father, prostituting herself to have enough money for drugs and alcohol. While pregnant with Lucien, she had several run-ins with law enforcement and a few stints in psyche wards. Never staying long enough to get help, sadly. Once she had him, she endured physical and mental abuse from Lucien’s father before drinking herself to death when Lucien was only a few years old.

Outside of Clara’s abuse, we never discovered what kind of life Lucien lived as a young boy. Not that I give a fuck. Some try to imagine how hard it was for him, based on the way he ended up—fighting his own unchecked psychosis. Ending up in whatever hole he has been tossed into.

Now we don’t have to care.

Thankfully, my wife managed to skirt by with the lesser effects of being mentally ill. We are able to get her treated by seeing a therapist, routine, and have established a very low-dose medication regimen where she lives a normal life.

Sadie is a whole different story, however. Her new therapist, because the wild thing eats them up and chews them out, has her on a new prescription regiment to manage psychotic depression and schizophrenia. Some days we lose her to the erratic behavior and hallucinations. Having full blown conversations with people who are not there, and concocting plans that scare the hell out of Nadia. Thinking Sadie is going to retaliate and repeat the horrors she took part in through the ordeal with Lucien. She hasn’t gotten that far, and while I hope she never does, we are ready.

Part of me likes to believe that she will fight the darkness because she has her biological parents, one she can truly relate to, and one who will protect her by any means necessary.

Then there’s Elias. Insert eye roll here. I know they text back and forth. Probably another good reason he isn’t here tonight. While I appreciate his help and admire the way he went above and beyond to shield her from things that bring her down, I can’t help but want to fuck him up at the same time.

---