Page 37 of Judas

Placing the fingertip of my middle against her hood, it draws quick, small circles with enough pressure to get past the slick fluid coating her needy pussy. Nadia thrashes, which only snaps what’s left of my control and I fuck her like I’m on death row and this is the last time I’ll have a beautiful woman at my mercy. She begs and cries and I respond by shoving a third finger into her mouth.

Against her ear, the cadence of our breaths matched in tempo and shallow-depth, I groan. The silken dark strands of her sweat-dampened hair get caught on my whiskers, entangling us as if we are already inseparable.

“Fucking come, Snitch. Let go, Nadia, fucking, Patton.” The timber of my voice is lower, breathless with exertion, but I can’t help myself. I fantasize about making her mine, it’s only fair she does the same.

Chapter thirteen

Judas

Past

Four year old Lucien

“Give me a fucking break, Clara. You’re the one who chose to leave—your drugs and booze was more important than our daughter. Don’t come into my house searching for pity because you’ve not got a pot to piss in.”

“Gene…”

Mommy’s voice is sad. Her’s eyes rain, and it goes into my hair, making it wet like the snow outside when it melts. She’s holding me at her hip, the best place in the world. My head rests on her shoulder but she told me to face away when we came into this strange house. I don’t look at the mad man. He reminds me of Daddy, making a loud voice at Mommy. She tightens her armson me when I hear him start to stomp around, and things crash on to the floor—both of us jump like cricket.

“Don’tGene, me, Clara. You’re not welcome back in this house. Should have thought about that before you ran off and started whoring yourself out. Then had another kid when you can’t even find food to eat, had to go and spit out another brat. Least that one is behaved, looks like you, too. Hope that’s all he got from you and not your fucked up head.”

He’s mean. I no like him.

“You leave him out of this. All I’m asking is for a few days. We will stay in the garage if we have to, away from you and Nadia, just don’t put us out. It’s one thing to make me sleep in the cold; please don’t take it out on him.”

Her eyes rain more, makes her breath and words sad and it shakes me but she doesn’t move. Not with the mean man in the room. Him’s yell more and it makes me mad. I can feel my mad face come on

Don’t you yell at my mommy!

About to turn and look at him, to see who this mean man is, the door opens and in steps another kid—like me—but a girl. An old lady holds her hand, she has a backpack on like mine! But, her’s purple with kitties, mine’s blue with whales. She stays close to the old lady when she speaks to the mean man.

“Sorry for the delay, Gene. We hit traffic on my bus route today. Hope you don’t mind I brought her home a little later than normal,” she says.

“Could have kept her if you wanted. Free to another home—doesn’t have to be good.”

“You’re going to get CPS called on you for saying things like that, Gene.”

The lady sounds no happy like me. I would look to her but I watch the little girl instead. She has dark hair like mine, even her eyes the same color. She pretty. Well, Daddy says girls that looklike me are pretty. That they will make even better mommies. I don’t like when he talks to me about girls. He makes me mad too—always have my mad face with hims.

“Go on, Nadia, go put your backpack in your room and start your color pages,” she tells the girl.

Is her Nadia?

Mean man talk about a Nah… Na… Dee… ah… uh? Nah-Dee-uh. Nadia. I mouth over and over but never say out loud. I want to stay in my invisible cape, like Superman. Him’s the best. I wish I can fly like him. Soar through air like a bird—oh he nice, too. Never yell. OH! He has black hair like me. Sometimes, wish he was my daddy. He could show me how to laser eye bad mens that talk to me about girls.

I watch as she runs away from the lady. Around the side of Mommy and down the dark hallway until she is gone. Mommy feels different, still like my Stretch Armstrong.

“She’s gotten so big,” Mommy says with her inside voice.

“That’s what happens when you feed children, Clara. That leach you have attached to you may not make it that far with the way you’re going. Will die of starvation.”

“I don’t want to talk about Lucien. Can we stay? If not, we will leave.”

“Listen to you—uncomfortable. Did seeing her make you feel something? Regret, maybe? What about foolishness, ignorance, or incompetence? Do you know what it’s like to have to raise a kid on your own? Of course you don’t, not when you’re still living with that pimp of yours.”

Okay, mad face and laser eyes activate!

Turning my head, I finally look at the mean man. He is taller than Mommy with a bigger belly, dark brown hair and dark eyes. Like the coal from my Santa sock last year. He be mean to my mommy again, I’ll find hims Santa sock and knock him with it. He has coal, coal is for bad people. If I bad, he more bad.

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