Page 47 of Judas

If the maniac takes over this vessel, I’m not sure what will happen today.

“Look at her, Victoria, she can’t even ride in the truck without weirding out on us. Sadie, you alive back there?” Father asks.

“Mhm,” I respond.

“Don’t say that about her. She’s having a hard time and doing what she can.”

“Nah, having a hard time is struggling with grades. Not having psychotic breaks. I told you years ago, choosing a convict's child was going to be a bad idea. Now you see what we have to put up with? We have to put her on drugs to get her to act right.”

“There’s nothing wrong with the way I act.” My voice is not mine anymore. I’m still awake, though, that’s a plus. That voice belongs to the calm and calculated one; she doesn’t necessarily have a temper, but when she gets you in her grasp, you pay with blood. Hence the way my skin aches under my fingers as the nails dig harder.

“Did I address you, young lady?”

“Wasn’t aware I had to be addressed directly when I’m the subject matter. Excuse me for saying something.”

“Sadie, honey, please let us adults talk without your input.”

Great, she’s on his side. Way to straddle the fence, Mother.

“You said the pharmacy already has the prescription, right? As soon as we get that bottle, you put as many in her mouth as it takes to give us a normal fucking kid.”

“Not taking those pills. You can toss them right out of the window. I’ll be damned if you let the last of me fade away and the rest waltz around. You think I’m bad now, you’ve not seen the worst of it.”

“Great, now she’s threatening us. You don’t have a choice, Sadie. You take the pills or we pack you away in a sanatorium somewhere away from the rest of the world. How does that sound? Think your life is so lonely, try me, your existence will cease when they slap a number on you and still pump drugs into your smart mouth.”

Shhhh, child. Don’t let him provoke thee.

Strange for the ancient one to chime in. Usually she chooses to sit up on her throne of impossibility made out of the plagues of man and have me deal with the problem entity. As well as the one who’d like to drain the others of their life force. Almost like she’s wanting to see the limits I am willing to go to control myself—joke’s on her, I’d rather die. Still, though, I sit quietly.

When the time comes, be patient.

“The time for what?”

You will be made aware.

“When?”

Shhhh, mind your surroundings.

“Huh?”

“Jesus Christ, Sadie, here, take your pill. The bottle instructs one in the morning or evening, and increases gradually. Not to exceed three milligrams per day.”

Pulling my claws away from the ache in my legs, and the sun splashing on the side of my face, my eyes land on Mother's extended hand. Resting in the palm is a little, round, white pill. I feel a wave of anger that I’ve never experienced before rush through me at the sight of it. Nearly snarling at its existence.

They’re ready to chemically wash me away.

“No.” My response is cold, bitter, and in a tone I don’t recognize.

First of all, when did we get to the pharmacy? Last time I checked, we were still a good twenty minutes away. There’s no possible way I’ve zoned out that long, right?. To lose that much time is insane—fuck… the blackouts. Sinking back into my seat I tighten my arms around my legs again and stare out of the window again.

“Get back there and put that fucking pill down her throat if you have to, Vic. I’m not doing this with her. Sadie, it’s comply or…”

“OR WHAT!?” I snap, that rage I just mentioned boiling over the edge. Not hot like a pot of water or the heat of searing metal; vaporizing, like that of lava as it pours out of the broken earth.

“You’re going to cart me off to a hole in the ground somewhere and let me fight the demons alone? I already fucking do that! Tie me down and force feed them to me? Wouldn’t be the first time you’ve done that. How about tell me to leave, kick me out of the house, disown me? Please. There’s nothing you can do that will beat me into submission—remember,Father, the way I allow you to treat me may be your undoing.”

“You ungrateful brat…” he seethes.

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