Page 72 of Judas

“What’s that?” he asks.

“Music.”

Swinging my arm back, I bring the bar down on his right knee cap and listen to him scream as the metal-on-metal splits the skin open and sends pain racing up and down his leg. He thrashes in the chair, kind of like a fish out of water—flopping around aimlessly.

“There we go, I always did love a high note. Again.”

I give the same attention to his left knee and listen to him sing.

By the time he finally passes out, I am covered in sweat and so much grime I can almost feel it bleeding between the cells that make up my body. My muscles ache, joints are stiff, and I could use a shower. Leaving the fucker where he’s at, I snag a bottle of water from the fridge then join Nadia and Sadie in the master suite. Unscrewing the cap, I place it to my lips at the brim and drink—watching the both of them sleep.

Nadia is curled around Sadie like she’s going to slither away; I wouldn’t put it past her yet. Seeing the way she was acting in the park, there’s a shit ton going on in her arcane head that’s going to take more than a good night's sleep to help rein in. It kept her alive, though. Watching her fight back each time she snapped—seeing the confusion and concern on Lucien’s face when he would realize she’s not someone he can push around and use as a play thing.

No, not my daughter.

Doing my best not to disturb either of them, I put the now empty bottle on the nightstand next to Nadia, standing beside the bed. I'm ready to fall into it behind her. Grab onto my girl and sleep next to her for the first time. Over twenty years, if you count the years she worked at the prison before things kicked off between us, and I’ve not spent more than thirty minutes tops with her.

Looking over myself, my blood-stained dark-blue shirt and black tactical pants are not fit to touch her. No, I will be burning these as soon as possible.

Lifting my hands, I rub my face vigorously for a moment then run them through my hair. Pushing the wild strands away from my forehead, I turn to the en suite bathroom. When I step inside, I snicker to myself seeing her dirty clothes sitting in a heap off to the side with what looks like a blood-covered towel and theclothes we found Sadie in. She bathed the both of them before getting into bed—her mothering knows no limits right now. Sadie is going to be rotten to the core, and I mean that in the sweetest way possible.

I scrubbed myself as fast as possible and threw on a pair of sweats and a shirt courtesy of the fucker who bought this place. He’s bigger than me, but that just means his tight clothes fit more comfortably on my body. He’s on my list. Fury told him to keep his hands to himself and now that he’s touched what’s mine, including his lips, I’ll be slicing them off once this is all said and done. But first, sleep.

Padding into the bedroom again, there’s nothing stopping me. Not hell, not heaven, and definitely not Lucien. I peel the comforter and top sheet back, slide into bed behind Nadia, and pull her into me as my mouth and nose meet the side of her neck. Inhaling the muted orange and honey scent she always had, I have to suppress a sign of relief.

Speaking softly to the soft skin there, and pressing a gentle kiss to the same space, I murmur, “I’m so sorry, Nadia. I know I hurt you far worse than either one of us thought I could. There's no amount of apologizing that will fix what I’ve done.”

Gently, I run my fingers down her arm then her side and around her waist. When my hand gets to her stomach, I spread my fingers wide and rest it there as I continue. Wishing I could have been present for her through the pregnancy—I was, from afar, but it wasn’t enough.

“I left you all alone, let you face fear you never wanted to experience, and made you pick up the pieces when you needed stronger arms to help carry the burden. I won’t ask for your forgiveness because I don’t deserve it, but as long as you stay with me, I’ll promise to never make the same mistake.”

When she shifts, I don’t let it deter me. Let her wake up; let her hear me pouring my heart out to her in person instead ofthrough a fucking phone when I thought I was never going to see her again. I made it happen, every choice, every fucked up chore and plan since that day, I willingly made because I knew I’d be here with her.

“You found me in a cage of my own making, yet somewhere in the mix of things I traded that one for being trapped in your orbit—a prison I’m killing to belong to. I’ve done bad things, babygirl, but I’ll be a repeat offender if it means being yours forever and earning the privilege to love you again.”

Chapter twenty-seven

Judas

Crack!

“Would you stop that!”

“Nope,” he replies.

They have been after my knees for the past several hours. What Nadia started, they are capitalizing on and I’m at my wits end. Find something else to abuse, for all that is holy. There is so much real estate they’re avoiding and it’s only annoying at this point. Gritting my teeth, the new guy is kind enough to swing the chains like a bat across my lower legs now. So kind; I’ll kill him last for being accommodating.

Him and the pretty boy, Kace, have been at me since Kace slapped me awake late this evening. Truth be told, I had a good little nap once I passed out. Something I haven’t done since I started self-atoning decades ago—you get used to the pain, which makes it much easier to deal with. Too bad it doesn’t extend down to the soul; I could have used that earlier when I was in and out of consciousness.

At first I thought it was real, the things I was seeing, then I knew there was no possible way I would end up swimming in a sea of fire. Hallucinations have never really been a problem for me, seeing things or people lingering in the edges of my vision, shapes, scenery—nothing. Things were so vivid and felt more real than the agony that has since settled in my body.

Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum keep asking me the same series of questions, in different formats, hoping to get answers they’re looking for. But it’s going to take so much more than breaking my body. My mind’s broken too, so there’s not much left they can do without just putting me six feet under the ground. Doubt they would dig me a grave or even throw me in the ocean somewhere off the coast where I can at least feed the wildlife. No; I bet you they would leave me in a bag somewhere and wait for the gasses to build in my body until I burst, then wash away my chunks and fluid with bleach water.

So considerate.

“Lucien, this is getting pretty old. You can answer the questions and we will drop you off at the local police station and let you get back to life if you cooperate.” Gaggle, Rabi, what is his name again? He’s not quite as old as Kace is but they’re similar in age. I’m guessing a few years or so, but not much more.

He has this heavy weight that lingers over him like a black cloud. The way he checks over his shoulder throughout the night lets me know he’s not all sunshine and cupcakes. Kace, though, there’s a slice of angry-pie I’ve been waiting to see. He wasn’t quite responsive enough for me back in the day but this new version? I’m really starting to like it. Those blue eyes, well… blue eye… don’t hold the same sort of vibrancy they used to. In fact, one’s not even the same color anymore— interesting.

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