Page 75 of Judas

They’re about as discomforted as I am but their vexation is not nearly on the same playing field. They’re just letting her sit here and tease me. This is wrong.

“Shhhhhh… As I was saying.” Her arm shifts behind me, dainty fingers running through the longer black strands at my occipital bone before twisting a few around the tips.

“I had every intention of dragging you home and handing you over to Yahweh for judgement. You know he will cast you into darkness, Samael, but I think you deserve something far better than dwelling where you thrive.”

“Naamah, please,” my lips mutter on their own.

“Oh listen, he begs.” Her voice is jovial. “You’ve done enough here, but this body? You will not leave.” Her voice lowers in volume as she emits a promise that finally rattles the darker part of my psyche.

“Yahweh has locked you inside of this man, this innocent child of God you’ve corrupted and forced to live a life unbecoming of the Lord's grace. The best part, dear Samael, is I get to be the one who tortures you until the body gives in. Until it rots, and disintegrates into ash which Adam was born. After that, your soul is mine.”

“Naamah!” I shout.

“Yes, husband?”

“What?!” Babel, Kace, and Nadia holler in unison—utter disbelief existing in their expression.

“Let me go now and I’ll go with you,” I plead.

“And let them miss their fun? Nah. Daddy Kace, will you hand me your belt please?” Her free hand reaches out, palm up in the air, and waits patiently like the villainous fiend she is. Her fingers wiggling as she waits for him to give it up.

“Don’t you fucking do it, pretty boy. You don’t have a fucking clue who you’re siding with. There’s more than one inside of her. If the other one gets out, she will rip you and Nadia to pieces. I’m the only one who has been able to keep up with her.” Pressing their safety.

Kace concedes and unbuckles his belt, pulling it through the loops in one swift go. The sound makes goosebumps crawl across my arms, true fear settling in the knot forming in my throat. When he hands it to Sadie, she coils it around my neck,feeds the leather tongue through the eyelet and cinches it all the way down until my Adam’s apple fills the gap. I shake and thrash under her, trying to get her off my lap, nostrils flared, heart racing to the point it may burst in my chest.

“Naamah,” I give one last warning plea.

With a scowl, her brows furrowing between eyes I’m no longer able to differentiate between good and evil, she yanks the belt and it tightens around my neck. Squeezing the prominent structure down into my esophagus and silencing me.

“You took his eye, you took her child, now I’ll take your life. Sleep, Samael,” she growls.

Struggling against her, against the restraints and the darkening vision that’s narrowing, I glare at the shell of Sadie. The hallucinations that I chalked up to being a mistake now swarming back in as I lose consciousness.

The fire is a lie.

We were taught that hell fire would burn.

From a physics standpoint, burning means heat but that’s the furthest thing from truth or fact when you’re trapped in the torment that is Hell. ‘Cold’ doesn’t scratch the surface on the intensity behind the frigid flames. It’s a nefarious trick, making you feel like it’s safe to be within a hair’s breadth of the flares, but once it touches your skin, it sinks in with a bite that leaves you screaming in excruciating pain.

The inferno is a lie and I gave into the promise that the lack of heat meant I am safe from the wrath of God. It’s boring through my flesh now; reaching my skeleton where ice crystals have started to form and scrape against the soft tissues of my ligaments and muscles with every move. I breathe, it burns. I scream, it scrapes. I beg for forgiveness, the ice crawls further through my body ‘til I’m engulfed and the bitter coldturns my skin a deathly-black. Finally, it falls apart in frozen-dehydrated flakes.

I’m trapped here, in a cage that demons dip into the lake of fire. I first made out details, thinking I was transported back to Canada—or everything was a cruel dream. The lake I drank from, bathed in, baptized Sadie in now breaks my flesh from the frostbitten bone. Just when I think it’s over, it rewinds. Forcing me to relive the misery in reverse, starting off with the worst then it gets easier.

At the end, I find that breathing is easier yet that’s the trigger—the catalyst which restarts my punishment.

My soul is lingering outside of my being now, watching as my body snaps and breaks under the weight of the icy-heat. It continues to bite into me until I scream a scream that falls mute, fading into a void of non-existence. Nothing, absolutely nothing has prepared me for this. Not the Lord and his wisdom passed through the generations, not even my direct relationship with him.

“Naaaamahhhhh!”

I can hear my voice, even if she can’t, I refuse to not scream for her. She put me here; she sent me to rest and my real body is with the very people who are preparing to dismantle me.

Why am I being punished—me, Lucien, and not Samael? He drove me to do the things I’ve done, knowing the acts were wrong and against the natural order of God’s will. Was I not doing what I was told?!

“Please, Naamah! Please!” My voice finally cracks. “When will it be enough?”

“Poor mortal soul, crying for salvation when you were the one who was prepared to come here after killing innocent souls.”

“Naamah?” I ask, turning to look for her. I know she’s there, recognizing her voice now that I’ve heard it a few times.Especially as it’s surrounding me while my soul is maimed by ice and fire. “Please, it was all Samael. Let me go; allow me to return and I’ll make amends.”

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