Page 86 of Judas

In a relaxed yet snug embrace she has her head pressed to my chest and her arms wrapped around me almost like she’s scared I will leave her. Never… I’ll never leave her but some things I can’t control, like my bladder. Maybe I can wait until she moves or rolls over. Laying there a bit longer, there’s no way my bladder is going to hold out that much longer. Unraveling her as gently as I can, I slip out from under her and head to the restroom to take care of things.

Locked away, my hand slides into my pocket and withdraws the phone Ra gave me. It’s almost amusing how I don’t use it that much outside of the bathroom. Another prison habit I’m trying to break—there’s no reason to hide it now. Placing it on the counter, I quickly take care of my business. Might sound a tad bit obsessive but I want to get back to Sadie before she notices I’m not with her. What can I say? It feels so damn good having her in my arms.

I don’t have many numbers on the phone actually. There is Ra’s, Ez’s, uhm… I guess Kace’s now aptly labeled ‘H’. No fucking way I’m going to keep calling him that, moron. Then there’s Fury’s number which I transferred over from the burner Jaz gave me when I left Bluitt. It’s about four in the afternoon over there and the guards should be getting everyone back to their bunks to do a head count for dinner time. Deciding on a text instead of a call, I send one off. Setting it back down, I move into washing my hands.

N

Things went sideways but I have her. Call soon.

Right as I’m rinsing my hands off, a text comes back and I read it from the notifications bar, smirking and shaking my head at the spitfire.

F

Let me know when things are going up and down. Preferably you ;) Luv you, bitch.

Subtle, Fury.

Back in the room, I see Sadie’s hands twitching and her eyes flickering under her lids—arms rigid like they were in the hallway. Seeing her like this, plagued with things she cannot control saddens me. Getting another long drink of my room-temp coffee I join her again. I need to shift around a bit before I’m comfortable but once I’m there, I ease in and go back to combing my fingers through her silky hair. Feeling a bit of sweat gathers on my fingertips after a few passes.

“Shhhhhh,” is the only kind of soothing I can fathom providing her right now.

“You… you left.” Her voice comes out so soft it is almost a whisper.

“Just for a few minutes but I’m here now.” Trying to reassure her, I continue, “Sadie, how long have you been without your medication?”

“Mmm, I don’t … know. I’m supposed to take two pills a day. Haven’t had any since he took me.”

“That was a month ago. How… how are you managing the voices?”

“We’re fine.” Her response is immediate and the tone slightly different.

“Good, I guess.”

“Restrain us again and it will not fare well for you.”

Same tone—at least I’m still talking to the same version. Now that she’s not medicated, they fade in and out on a whim rather than leaving her be. Lucien was like this at Darkwater; fuck, he might have always been like this. Don’t recall him ever going to see Cindy for meds, very possible he’s gone his whole life without help.

“I won’t as long as you let her be Sadie more, not you.”

“She’ll take your suggestion into consideration.”

Thanks?

“Mom?”

“Hmm?”

“Did you know your mom and dad?”

Ouch. No secrets, going to live by this. Painful or not.

“Didn’t know my mom but I did know my dad. I lived with him until I graduated high school and went out on my own.”

“Can you tell me about them?”

Sadie can’t see me but I nod anyway, sliding a little further down in the bed and drawing her closer to my chest. Every time we are cuddled together, she gravitates to me that way, just getting ahead of the curve.

“My mom left my dad shortly after I was born. She had Lucien with someone I never met. Dad was… well, he wasn’t a pleasant man at all. Abusive in most cases, he died after I went to prison.”

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