Page 44 of Stick Around,
But it wasn’t about that. It was about everything; the confusion, the feelings, the fact that this would end and I’d be gone. It was about how I’d never felt more myself than I did here, with these men, at this ridiculous ranch full of misbehaving animals.
Unable to articulate any of this, I turned and fled up the stairs, back to Reid’s room, where I could at least lick my wounds in private and try to make sense of this beautiful mess I’d created.
Unfortunately, I didn’t have a long time to mope since I had the kids’ camp. It was the fourth day and the second time seeing the nine-to-twelve age group. I was a little out of my element with the older kids, but none of them seemed to want to cancel me even after the second session.
Since the camp ended at noon, I spent my afternoon shopping for some necessities since I’d be staying longer. There was no reason to pass up a perfectly good excuse for retail therapy, and boy, did I need it.
After buying a few more outfits and personal care items at the mall, I found a family-owned western wear store that sized cowboy hats. I hadn’t even thought about purchasing one for my week-long stay, but now I wanted one.
I’d been staring at the wall of hats for at least ten minutes, overwhelmed by the sheer variety: black, tan, brown, white, and even a few turquoise blue options I hadn’t expected. Who knew there were so many shapes? Each one looked slightly different from the others, with variations in crown height, brim width, and decorative bands.
A friendly saleswoman in her sixties approached me, her silver hair pulled back in a neat braid. “First hat?”
I laughed nervously, running my fingers along the brim of a chocolate brown one. “Is it that obvious?”
“Nothing wrong with that. Everyone has to start somewhere.” After measuring my head and telling me all the different options, she left me to try on hats so she could help another customer.
Several hats later, I was standing in front of the mirror with a tan hat perched on my head. Unlike the others I’d tried, this one seemed to fit, resting comfortably without feeling like it might topple off at any moment.
I tilted my head, examining my reflection from different angles. The hat gave me a confident look I hadn’t expected, transforming me into someone who might belong on a ranch.
A small gasp from behind me caught my attention. I turned to find a girl who was about eleven or twelve staring at me with wide eyes, her hands clasped over her mouth. A woman stood beside her, looking between me and her daughter.
The girl tugged on her mother’s sleeve. “Mom, it really is her! Quinn from the videos!”
I froze, suddenly feeling like I was under a spotlight. This was new territory and surprising. I should have known eventually someone would say something to me since that video had over one million views now, and the other ones we posted every day on both my account and the ranch’s were also getting tons of views. Luckily, I had April running my account so I didn’t have to deal with it.
The woman approached with a tentative smile. “I’m so sorry to bother you, but are you the woman from those ranch videos? The ones with the stick horse?”
“That would be me.”
The girl stepped forward. “I’ve seen all your videos. I watched the one where you did the jumps like fifteen times.”
Her mother placed a hand on her shoulder. “Maddie’s been obsessed since she saw you. She’s even been practicing in our backyard with a broom. We’re waiting on her hobby horse to arrive.”
“That’s amazing! How’s it going so far?”
Maddie shrugged. “Good, I guess. My friends said it’s babyish.” Her voice dropped to a near whisper. “How do you not care what people say online? There are lots of mean comments.”
My heart dropped into my stomach. I hadn’t been reading the comments on the videos. The thought of strangers dissecting me online was too anxiety-inducing. But, of course, there would be nasty comments; the internet excelled at cutting down anything joyful.
I adjusted my hat, buying myself a moment to think. “You know what? Those mean comments say a lot more about the people writing them than about you. When people see someone having fun and being themselves, sometimes it makes them uncomfortable because they’re too afraid to do the same.”
Maddie’s eyes remained fixed on mine, absorbing every word.
“The secret is to find the joy in what you’re doing that’s bigger than their meanness. I wasn’t trying to be cool or get popular; I was having fun, and that fun is real, no matter what anyone says about it.”
Her mother’s eyes softened. “That’s exactly what I’ve been trying to tell her.”
Maddie’s shoulders straightened slightly. “Do you think I could get good enough to compete someday?”
I smiled. “Absolutely. In fact, I bet you’re already pretty good.”
Her mother squeezed Maddie’s shoulder. “Are you planning on teaching classes? Maddie would love to learn from you.”
Learn hobby horsing? From me? I was the least qualified person on earth to do that. “Oh, well, I’m only here temporarily, but something that has helped me is watching horses and learning to ride. La Cuesta Ranch has lessons for all ages and abilities.”
The girl looked hopefully at her mom, who gave her a reassuring nod. “We’ll have to look into that. We’ll let you get back to shopping.”
