Page 94 of Monochrome Without You
I want her. I’ve always wanted her. I love her. I’ve always loved her. She should know that. She deserves to know that. If she’s weighing her options—deciding whether we have a future—then she should at least know the truth.
I want our family back together. And I was a coward who never deserved her.
But I’m not that guy anymore.
I’ve changed. Matured. Figured out what I can and can’t live without. And living without Jules? Too damn hard.
“You’ve got it bad.”
The voice pulls me from my thoughts, and I glance over to find Pearla standing there, a knowing smile playing on her lips.
I let out a short laugh. “I know.”
“You should tell her,” she suggests, tucking a strand of sandy blonde hair behind her ear.
“Oh, I have,” I admit, rubbing the back of my neck. “Pretty sure she already knows.”
Pearla hums. “Good.”
A beat of silence passes before I shift my focus to her. “How are you?”
She hitches a shoulder. “I’m okay.” But the way her fingers twist the hem of her sweater tells me otherwise. “I always miss Roger this time of year. Halloween was his favorite holiday.”
Her tone is light, but there’s an undercurrent of grief beneath it, the kind that settles deep in the bones and never fully leaves.
I nod, understanding that kind of ache all too well. Maybe not in the same way, but loss is loss.
And I’ll be damned if I let myself lose Jules again.
“Everyone was right,” Pearla muses, her gaze sweeping over the decorations Jules meticulously arranged.
Vampires and ghosts sway in the October breeze, cobwebbed archways frame the entrance, and strings of bats dance under the dim glow of festival lights. The school’s Halloween festival is always a spectacle, but watching Jules in her element? That’s something else entirely.
Pearla tilts her head, eyes twinkling with amusement. “I heard she’s doing the face painting, too. Is there anything she can’t do?”
Make up her mind about me.
I exhale through my nose. “Not that I’m aware of.”
Pearla falls quiet for a moment before shifting closer. “Can I ask why you two separated?”
My jaw tightens. “I guess one day I realized I was caging her in… so I let her go.”
The words feel heavier now than they did two years ago. Back then, I convinced myself I was doing the right thing. Giving her the freedom she needed.
But now?
Now, I know I was just a coward.
Pearla exhales, glancing at me with something that looks like understanding. “You know there’s a saying. If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it’s yours. If not, it never was.”
Jules does come back. Over and over again. But then she gets scared and runs.
I huff a humorless laugh. “I think Jules and I are a little more complicated than that.”
Pearla nudges me with her elbow, her voice quieter now. “If there’s one piece of advice I’d give my younger self, it’d be to fight for the people you love. Really fight for them.” She pauses, something flickering behind her gaze. “Because you never know when they’ll be gone.”
The finality in her tone settles deep in my chest.
