Page 76 of The Thorne at My Side
I smile and let my mom talk to me about town gossip and projects she’s working on while I walk to a bus to get back to my apartment. Going back to upstate New York is more than a few anxious paces but I need the change of scenery while I try to put my life back on track.
???
Three days later, I'm in a rental sedan with two suitcases, anassortment of boxes filled with books and notebooks, and my preferred bed pillow, piled in the back seat. I've already paid my November rent so my apartment can just sit there. I'll decide about December after Thanksgiving.
Mom is thrilled to have me home in Lakeville. My little sister's wedding is New Year's Eve and now that I'm unemployed she has enlisted my help. I should start to tally the number of times she says “silver lining” or “when one door closes…” and adds a noncommittal shrug. Every time she does, my mind briefly flits to Austin and then I reconsider.
Dad said he'd be thrilled to have me home for a month and I could hear the unsaidand only a monthloud and clear. He’s the parent who believes in kicking the chicks out of the nest when he thinks they’re ready, not when they actually are.
My parents are both retired now, after putting my older brother through med school, me through law school, and my younger sister through undergrad. Academic performance is highly valued in the Collins family. Every phone call with them or visit home was peppered with questions from Dad about grades, job prospects, and salary projections.
Dad has always expected big things from my siblings and me. It started in childhood. Good grades, good effort on the teams we joined, good attitudes around the house when it came to chores.
And there were lots of chores. While my mom handled the laundry and my dad took care of the yard and the bathrooms, us kids handled everything else. Dishes, dusting, vacuuming, wiping down tables, washing windows; there was a routine and we followed it.
Not for an allowance mind you, no, this contribution was simply expected. We would work hard, as a team, and allachieve excellence, together.
None of us really understood how much we subscribed to this notion of Collins excellence until Liz lost her job and moved home. She started working at the coffee shop in town and would put up photographs she’d taken on the walls. Some sold and people around town asked her for portrait sessions, and then a year later Dad helped her finance a photography business. He used the money he had set aside for her advanced degree but, in a smart move, he didn’t mention that when he gave it to her.
Liz’s career pivot served as a turning point for him. He softened a bit about expectations, not that he’d ever really go easy on us, but he did start to sprinkle in personal questions when we talked instead of just 401k inquiries.
At first I felt jealous of Liz and the handout she got. I toiled through law school and she was just handed cash to start her dream business. Once that initial reaction passed I realized that going to law school was my dream because it led me to the career in political communications that I had always wanted.
It stung because it felt like, as the baby of the family, Liz, once again, just had things handed to her. When she was born, everything in our house shifted to make sure she was taken care of. CJ picked up some of my chores so I could help Mom take care of the baby.
In high school we’d take turns driving Liz around.
Memories surface of stopping for ice cream on the way home, or taking her to her friend’s houses on the weekends. The time we got stuck in a snow storm and had to walk to get help. As I exit the freeway towards Lakeville, I see the welcome sign commemorating our Guinness Book of World Records entry for longest domino chain reaction with anything besides dominos. I wasn't born when it happened but the story is taught to Lakeville’s young right after we’re taught the story of Adam andEve. Our town lined up books from one end of downtown to the other and set them all tumbling down. Then we opened up the first library in city history with the books, T.H.E. Library named after Tessa Harper Edwards who led the world record efforts.
I decide to drive through downtown before heading to my parent's house. The coffee shop has a new sign, Liz's photography studio next door has a beautiful painted design on the window. Lewis Hardware glows under the fluorescents inside and I spot the lights flickering on in the apartment above.
I turn the corner and see a new space for my sister's friend Angie's interior design business and next to it the bake shop her friend Maeve opened.
I haven't been home for more than 24 hours in years. Always flying in just for the holiday and then flying out again to get back to work. I still know the latest news because Mom keeps me up to date on all the gossip and notable events. A lot has changed in the years I've been gone but it doesn't feel different. Just renewed.
The next generation is putting their mark on the town. My generation. The people I grew up with who stayed, or left and came back.
I pull into the driveway, put my car in park, and look up at my childhood home. My hands are still on the wheel as a tsunami of feelings hits me. Disappointment, sadness, embarrassment, fear, loneliness, insecurity, and oddly, relief.
What’s that doing there?
Ending up back at home as my life hits rock bottom is not supposed to feel right. It’s supposed to make me feel frustrated and twitchy and anxious.
I can see people walking around in the house. The porch light is on. With a deep breath, I climb out, grab my purse and one suitcase, and complete thesolemn march back to my childhood home.
"MAYBE!" my little sister Liz yells out as she storms through the house to meet me at the front door. "You're home!"
“Hey Lizzard,” I laugh at the nickname she bestowed on me as a toddler because she couldn't say her G’s clearly. Liz wraps me in a hug and I look over her shoulder to see her fiancé, Kyle, standing century behind her.
“How are the lovebirds," I laugh and give Kyle a quick hug too.
"We're good," Liz says as walks back into the kitchen. "But even better now that you're here and Mom can channel some of her energy your way."
"What do you mean?" I ask as Dad comes up from the basement. He gives me a hug, a quiet “good to see you,” and then gets a beer and heads back downstairs. He gives Liz and I a smile and says, “I’ll let you girls catch up.”
Liz pulls out a bottle of white wine and starts to open it. Kyle makes his way to the cabinet and pulls down two glasses and sets them on the counter.
"I mean, she is absolutely bonkers about this wedding. I get at least four new ideas a day. With seven weeks to go she's still got way too much time on her hands to add projects. You need to reign her in."
