Page 91 of The Thorne at My Side
CJ is happy being a doctor.
Liz is happy being a photographer.
My mother is happy being a busybody.
My dad is happy supporting her.
But I’m not happy.
I shudder a deep breath and on the exhale I lift my gaze to the ceiling. Spiraling isn’t going to help. I need to pull myself together.
C’mon Maggie, ask yourself the question.
What will make me happy?
Was speech writing work I could do every day until the end of time like CJ?
Is it the type of work I’d try to do in my spare time like Liz did with photography?
No. Not really. I enjoyed it. I was good at it. But I wasn’t writing speeches for fun when I had time off. I thought of it as a job, not my life’s work.
I think back to when the college kids came in to learn from Sam and me. Seeing their eager faces and answering their questions was energizing. Even after I had noticed Austin in the back of the room. I was able to focus enough on leading the discussion that I remember having fun.
The trip down memory lane has calmed my nervous system.My heart rate is back to normal, the pain in my chest is gone, and my breathing is even. On weak but steady legs, I stand and change into my pajamas.
When I climb into bed I reread DCFox’s Christmas message, like I have every night since he sent it, and wish I could ask him what to do.
CHAPTER 27
My BroFF Eeyore is done.
AUSTIN
I wake up on New Year’s Day hoping TalkShopGirl, a.k.a Maggie, has responded. And, again, like every morning for the last week, the message from me is the last thing on the screen.
With a frustrated exhale I get out of bed and get ready for the day. Felix is playing in an outdoor game today at the D.C. Monumentals stadium and I get to watch from behind the glass. I think I’ve got better access than most of the player’s families today. They’re all up in 200 level suites.
They’ll be warm and fed, but I’ll be where the action is.
And I need the distraction.
???
The Renegades won in a shutout. The frenzy at ice level, and throughout the stadium did exactly what I needed it to do. It’s only now, that I’m waiting for Felix outside of the dugout that Maggie returns to mind. I remember how exciting it was to see her after the season opener. How the pupils in the center of her ocean blue eyes grew wide as we spoke. The flush that I watched climb her cheeks.
I feel the heat drain from my face as I remind myself she might never speak to me again.
“Thorney!” Felix hollers as he claps his hands down on my shoulders.
“Hey bud, great game.”
“Tell me how you really fuckin’ feel man. That is not the level of enthusiasm I was expecting from my BroFF after that game.”
“BroFF?”
“Bro Friend Forever.” Felix says like it’s obvious.
I laugh at him. “Is that another entry from your ‘word of the day’ calendar?”
