Page 285 of The Valiant Knight
Tony was worried about him.
“You need to get tested, and you need to start using condoms. Your life matters, and HIV isn’t a good exit strategy.”
He laughed.
“I mean, maybe it is,” Graham said. “No one will miss me, and I can just disappear.”
He put his hand on his forearm.
“I’d miss you. Finn would miss you, and now, Gabby would too. Not to mention Gryphen and Ian. You’ve made a family,” he admitted. “You checking out via sex isn’t the way to handle this trauma you’re carrying.”
He honestly didn’t care.
“I’m empty,” Graham said.
Tony explained.
“Everyone is empty until they find a person to fill them up. I can’t tell you what will happen with the man you lost, but I can tell you what will happen if you don’t stop trying to take yourself out with your self-loathing.”
He listened.
“Christopher Leonard has HIV. I watch him struggle every single day.”
He said nothing.
“I watch him be sick, and worn down as his body continually fights to stay here. One day, you might meet your Prince Charming, and if you’re sick, that’s going to take you away from him so much faster.”
Graham wiped his eyes, but said nothing. His silence was very telling.
“He has to take medicine every day to keep his viral count low, and that’s all that keeps him here. Then, on top of that, everyone he loves and who loves him has to do the same to be safe. You deserve more than a bottle of pills keeping you alive.”
Tony ran his hand up and down his arm.
“You deserve life, and joy. Get tested, and if nothing else, and you won’t stop the meaningless fuckery in alleys, at least make sure that the people you’re sleeping with wear condoms. Losing you will hurt all of us.”
He simply nodded.
“Please?” he asked. “Again, not your father, but I care enough that I don’t want to see you being a corpse in a hospital bed as it takes you out.”
He gave in.
“I’ll go get tested.”
He kissed him on the side of his face.
“You’re valuable, Graham. Despite everything you’ve told yourself, you’re worth the fight. Someone will show you too.”
God.
Someone had.
“I just miss him,” he whispered. “D’Artangnan was everything. I’m submissive in bed, and he just knew. He gave me everything I needed to feel whole, and I couldn’t give him time. It hurts so much that I didn’t just tell him to go back without me, and as soon as my tour was over, I’d join him. It was so simple. Why couldn’t I just have done that?”
Tony brushed the hair from his eyes.
“We can’t live in the past, Graham. All we can do is live now. If you ever get a chance to see him again, tell him. Don’t let that animosity grow where love used to live. If you get that second chance, use it.”
He let the tears come.
