Page 147 of Between Passion and Revenge: Part Two
I slide in on silent feet, closing the door with a quietsnick.Standing there, I watch the two of them breathe, and feel a rush of emotion so potent, it almost has me bending over with the force of it.
My children are here, sleeping. Safe.
There’s that word again.
I don’t think I’ve let myself fully embrace the concept of safety. It felt too risky if I did, as if doing so would invite evenmore devastation and loss. And to be honest, I haven’t known safety since my parents died.
Before then, even.
And now, things are about as safe as they can be, and…I’m not sure what to do with myself.
Raiden stirs, and I hold my breath, my hands tightening on the doorknob. I shouldn’t have come in here in the first place, but I couldn’t help it.
“Dad?”
God.Dad.
Raiden’s sleepy voice floats over to me, and I don’t know whether to freeze more or go to him. My choice is decided for me when he sits up in bed and rubs his eyes.
“Yeah, kiddo. It’s me. I’m sorry to wake you,” I whisper, aware of Tempest sleeping in the other bed and moving slowly to sit next to Raiden. Tems got her ability to sleep like a rock from Shae. I grin, thinking about the mornings I’d try to wake Shae for long minutes before she finally stirred.
“‘S’okay,” Raiden says. “You came back.”
You came back.
There’s so much wonder and happiness in his statement that it’s heartbreaking and reassuring at the same time.
“Yeah,” I say, my throat clogging. “I’ll always come back for you. For you and your sister.”
Raiden pauses. “And Mommy, too?”
I suck in a breath at that. My immediate instinct is to shout, “Yes!” at the top of my lungs. But the other part of me, the part that decided eight years ago to let Shae be free out of some misguided sense of nobility, jolts with shame.
Would I come back for Shae? Absolutely. Have I proven that to be untrue? Yes.
But that was then. This is now.
I tried living without Shae once, and it wasn’t anything like living. It was existing. It was cheap moments with women I don’t remember to fill the emptiness. It was walking around the Earth while being dead on the inside.
I grab Raiden’s hand and squeeze it slightly, looking over to Tempest.
Shae’s given me the greatest gifts in my life, and all I’ve given her is pain.
Never again.
“Always, Rai,” I say, slipping into his nickname. “I love your mom—always have, always will.”
Raiden chews on his bottom lip, the nightlight casting a glow on the side of his face.
“What is it?” I whisper, leaning in closer.
Raiden blows out a breath, and it smells like the sparkly toothpaste Shae had delivered specifically for the twins.
“If you love mommy, are you going to get married?” he asks, and hell if that isn’t a question.
“Would you like that?” I ask, and Raiden pauses for a moment before responding.
“I dunno,” he replies honestly, and I nod at that.
