Page 164 of Between Passion and Revenge: Part Two
Even though I should be doing a million things and I haven’t gone to work in weeks, I don’t feel overwhelmed.
All because Storm’s strength allows me to be soft.
And God, I didn’t know how much I needed to lay it all down until I let him carry some of the weight.
“Yenn?” I murmur, coming back into view and placing the moisturizer on the counter. “I’m….”
“What is it, babes?” she asks, sympathy coating her words.
“I’m going to forgive him,” I blurt out, feeling so much, too much, like I’m flying and dying; like I’m on an ordained path and like I’m searching for light at the bottom of a pit.
“I just don’t want to be made a fool of again,” I add, choking on the words and dropping my head as I rock back and forth with my palms flat on the cool granite.
Breathe.
“Do you think he’d repeat past mistakes? Everything you’ve told me over the past few weeks has been mostly good. Is there something you’re leaving out?” Yenn asks.
I shake my head, still not looking at the phone screen.
“No,” I say, sniffling as tears stream down my face. “I just…what if this is just the honeymoon period? What if he’s really the monster I’ve made him out to be all these years? He blindsided me before. Why would this time be different?”
Yennifer goes quiet for a long moment while I get myself under control. When I do, I look at the screen to see Yenn still there, staring at the camera with a frown.
“Well, babe…you’re right. He could be all those things again. But, as for why this time could be different? It’s because you’re both different people, Shae.”
We’re both different people.
“College Storm and Shae made decisions that the mature, adult versions would never. Storm did what he did, as fucked up as it is, from the right place, babe. He let you go so you could live, really live, free from the danger surrounding him. He didn’t want to let you go, but that was the best solution younger Storm could come up with.”
“It was a fucked move. Devastating, actually.”
Yenn nods. “I agree. And you’ve thrived despite the heartbreak. Haven’t you?”
My bank account would say yes, but where it really matters?
“Listen,” Yenn says, shifting to sit up straight. “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. This is not that.”
She leans closer.
“You’re not expecting the same relationship you had. That version of you as a couple no longer exists. However, you both have chosen to create something new. Something deeper. Andifit doesn’t work out? Well, history has taught you that you can and will survive.”
I did survive. It hurt. It hurt like hell, but I pulled myself out of the emotional wreckage and built a new version of myself.
“All we have is the present, and right now, you’re happy. So be happy.”
“You don’t think I’m being dumb?” I ask.
Yennifer screws up her face.
“Who the fuck cares whatIthink! What does your heart tell you?”
My heart? My heart tells me that every cell in my body loves Storm Sandoval, and I’m willing to jump off the emotional cliff to be with him.
“That’s always been the problem, Shae. You care way too much about what other people think. It’s time to start living for Shae.”
She’s right again. Once I had the babies, my drive centered around taking care of them, not failing as I suddenly became a single parent, and just doing better than Storm.
My life was fueled by revenge and spite.
