Page 24 of Best Friends
“So what. Fuck ‘em. I’m not living my life for other people.”
“Yeah, it’s easy to say fuck ‘em.” I slip around him and tug up my pants, stumbling out of the stall. “But that kind of negative attention can make life really hard.”
“But at least we’d have each other.” He gives me a little smile.
I clench my jaw against the guilt. “Yes, but I… I don’t think I’m ready for anyone to know how we feel about each other yet.”
Pain shifts through his eyes. “No?”
I clench my jaw, shame nudging me at his wounded expression. “I… I’m not saying never. Just, not yet.”
He wrinkles his brow and begins straightening his clothes. “I can’t believe you put so much stock in what other people think.”
“I just need some time to get used to the idea. You must admit… this is a shocking turn of events.”
He glances up. “Is it? I’ve always loved you. You’re my best friend. The sex just makes everything even better. I think this is where our friendship was always supposed to go.”
I bite my bottom lip, wishing I had his conviction. “I sure didn’t see it coming, and I’m worried about the flack we’d get if we’re a couple.”
“You shouldn’t worry.”
“Well, I do.” I sigh. “I’ve never been cool like you, Malc. You fit in so easily with everyone. You always have. But for me, it takes a lot more work to be accepted. I’m only now being accepted by the guys at work. I don’t want to do anything that might screw that up.”
“God, who cares what they think?”
I huff. “If they find out about us, the guys are gonna be huge assholes to us.”
He laughs gruffly. “They’re already assholes. What of it? It’s none of their business.”
“I still think we should wait to let people know we’re attracted to each other.”
“I’m not justattractedto you.” He frowns and crosses his arms. “And what would we be waiting for?”
“For the right time to come out.”
His mouth hardens. “When exactly would that be?”
“I have no idea. I’m not pretending I have all the answers.” I rub my stubbly chin. “Maybe this thing between us is just a phase or curiosity.”
His mouth hardens. “It isn’t for me.”
“But you don’t really know that. Come on, Malc. Neither one of us has ever been interested in a man before. Not to mention we’re both commitment phobic. We’ve never dated a girl longer than a month.”
“Not true. I was with Lucy for two months.”
I narrow my eyes. “Technically yeah. But you were miserable the last month. All you ever did was fight or avoid her the last month of that relationship. You couldn’t wait to get out of that situation. We both know that.”
“Okay, fine. But what I feel for you is way stronger than anything I’ve ever felt for a girl, including Lucy. It’s insulting that you think my feelings for you are the same thing. I told you I love you, C. I’venevertold a girl that, ever.”
I wince. “I’m sorry. I’m… I’m not trying to dismiss what you feel. WhatIfeel. Because, I love you too, Malc.” I sigh. “But are you seriously sure you want to jump into this with me, onlyto have it fizzle out in a month? I don’t want to go through everything we’ll have to go through to be a couple, if it’s not going to last. For all we know we’ll want to go back to fucking women in a month or so.”
“No. I want you, C. What part of that don’t you get?” He sounds frustrated. “I’m not going to go back to fucking women. I wantyou.”
“You say that now, and I even believe you mean it. I feel the same way. I was dreading going back to your place with Cecilia and Amanda. I wasn’t going to be able to perform because I only want you. That’s why I was freaking out at the table.”
He nods, looking relieved. “Okay.”
I sigh. “But come on, Malcolm, are we just into guys now? Just like that? It’s kind of sudden. I… I think we need time to be sure this is for real. Maybe it’s just exciting and new because we were getting kind of bored with chicks. We need to be sure before we tell the world.” I study his tense face. “You know I’m right.”
