Page 44 of Last Seen
Chowdhury has leaned forward at this description.
“Do you sense a difference in your surroundings? Do you lose time?”
Halley shakes her head.
“In many instances of dissociative identity disorders, there is a place the psyche retreats to that feels safe, and another iteration of the personality emerges to defend the subject. Have any of your friends or family ever said you speak or act differently when you’re frightened?”
“No. Never.”
“Hm. Well, it could just be you’re protecting yourself from a traumatic experience. The brain is a delicate and powerful place. You may not be ready to drop the wall and see what’s on the other side.”
“Not surprising. My father told me my sister tried to kill me, too. I don’t know that I’d like to remember that. Did she tell you that? Is that why I am the chosen one here?”
Chowdhury searches Halley’s face with those dark, kind eyes. She is used to being challenged, uses silence as her armor. It works; Halley is uncomfortable enough to speak again.
“I just want to know what happened. Why she killed our mother. Why she disappeared. If she’s dead, then I can start putting the pieces back together.”
“I understand that urge. But you shouldn’t. You need to stay away from this. It’s bigger than you could possibly imagine. There is danger. Leave it to the professionals. Let them go searching again. Cat suffered a real trauma. Trauma leaves marks. You needn’t get caught up in the fray.”
“I suffered a real trauma, too. My mother was murdered in front of me, and I can’t remember it.” Halley’s voice is rising. She needs to stay calm, not lose her temper and chase the doctor away.
Chowdhury taps a finger on her knee. “Where do your memories of the event end?”
A breath. “I’m not sure. Bits and pieces are coming back. But I didn’t even know it happened at all until two days ago. I call that a trauma. Don’t you?”
The doctor finishes her coffee. “Some are worse than others,” she says lightly. “I’d highly recommend you speak with someone about this loss, Halley. You need help processing this information. It’s a lot.”
“Thanks. I’ll look into that.”
“Good. I have to get back. Thank you for seeing me.”
“You drove down from DC, and now you’re going back? What if I have more questions? I need to get a handle on who my sister was.”
“I’ve given you all I can. And delivered the letter, which has been burning a hole in my safe for a very long time.”
“Dr. Chowdhury, whydidn’tyou just mail it? If you knew where I was?”
“Cat didn’t know what you remembered, and what you didn’t. She specifically said that unless you came to me directly asking questions, I was not to share it.”
“Well, here I am, asking questions. And you aren’t being very forthcoming.”
“Then let me be clear. Your sister was stubborn, too. Desperate to confront her demons, always looking for the path back to the darkness that she felt made her. I didn’t think she should go to Brockville, and my intuition was correct. I’m going to say the same thing to you as I did to her. Some things should be left in the past. Powerful people do terrible things to keep their secrets.”
“So there are powerful people in Brockville keeping secrets?”
A flare of something in those dark eyes. “I didn’t say that.”
“I think you just did. Did you tell the police searching for Cat the same thing? Did you warn them off, too?” She is getting frustrated by the enigmatic therapist. “You know more about this than you’re saying. Do you know where my sister is?”
The doctor shakes her head. “I don’t. I wish I did. And I shared as much as I legally could with the police when she went missing. I told them to look at Brockville.”
“Did you show them this letter? What if there’s something in here that will give a clue as to where she is?”
“If I thought that was the case, I would have given it to them. It won’t. This was written well before she went missing. This was her way of making amends.”
“But—”
“Thank you for the coffee, Halley. It was nice meeting you.”
