Page 45 of Last Seen
Without another word, Chowdhury gets up from the table and heads to the door. Halley has no choice but to follow her.
The rain has started, thrumming hard onto the pavement. A bolt of lightning crashes, and thunder rumbles quickly on its heels.
“You should be very careful going down the mountain, Dr. Chowdhury. The roads get slick. Are you sure you don’t want to wait?”
“I’ll be fine. Thank you, Halley.” She gets behind the wheel of a white rental sedan, closes the door, and pulls out of the driveway.
“Shit,” Halley says. She is thoroughly unsettled. Strangers paying attention to her life, knowing more about her past than she does? Not good.
She needs to take a look at this letter.
It’s on top of the file, and Halley breathes a tiny sigh of ... not relief, exactly, but recognition. She has a lot more information than she did when she first found out about her mother’s murder. It’s not like she’s trying to solve an actual case; the criminal act was committed, and Cat copped a plea and went to jail for it. This is more an enlightenment, learning the truth. Something in these pages could give her an idea of where her sister is. Maybe even why she killed their mother.
Halley realizes thewhyis the most important part. Accident? Purposeful? It’s so unthinkable, and yet it happened. Halley needs to be in Cat’s mind twenty-eight years ago. Needs to hear her sister’s thoughts.
And then what, Halley? What are you going to do? Forgive her? Hate her more? Go search for her?
She realizes that’s exactly what she wants to do. Find her sister. And ask her why she would do such a thing. Demand answers. Get retribution.
Get revenge.
A word that sparks her soul into flames. She is so furious she is practically levitating. Yes, she wants revenge. Her sister ruined her life.
She sits, and the cat leaps into her lap, making happy biscuits on her thigh.
“You couldn’t care less, could you?” she says to him, and he settles in with a heavy purr. It takes a little of the edge off, but not much.
The envelope has been sealed for a long time. She has to use her dad’s letter opener to get into it. Inside are four pages of script, almost elegant in their precision and consistency. Like calligraphy, but printed, the letters perfectly formed, so exact it looks like a computer printed the pages. But they are done in blue ink, and the words are nonsensical.
Dear Halley,
I need to apologize for taking our mother away from you, and for how terrible I was to you as a child.
You cannot possibly understand what has happened, but I want to try and explain. Her death is my fault. You are too young to comprehend how difficult it was for me when you came into our lives. You were perfect. You were sunny and smart and joy. I am darkness and rain, a thundercloud. I knew I would always be in your shadow, and that was infuriating for a teenage girl to realize. My illness is no excuse, but there were many voices in my head, many paths I was forced to follow. Your father was right to send me away, but the chain reaction of that decision changedeverything. I sought comfort from the wrong people. And I destroyed everything.
I have spent my life trying to rectify this terrible event. To do penance. I have stayed away from you and your father. I made a life for myself far away. I healed. Dr. Chowdhury helped me understand what happened and gave me the tools to start over. One of them is making true and heartfelt apologies to the ones I’ve wronged. The wounds I created for you, and your father, are the worst of my transgressions. I am humbly and truly sorry. I only ask that you know that everything I’ve done since our mother’s death, I’ve done for you.
I hope you’ve been able to live a good life. That you are not haunted by the loss of our mother. That you are happy. It is all I want for you, happiness.
I do not believe we will ever meet again. Actually, I hope we do not. But know if I can, I will do everything in my power to right the wrong against you.
You are forever in my heart and prayers.
Cat
Halley smooths the letter and puts it back into the envelope. This tells her nothing. Platitudes and excuses.
Everything I’ve done, I’ve done for you.
What in the hell? Who says such a thing?
Halley’s temper rises, and she has to force herself not to rip the letter to shreds and scream.
There is no way a letter of apology can resolve her animosity toward her sister. If anything, she realizes it’s made her even more determined to find her and demand real answers.
The doctor’s visit has only increased her curiosity instead of satisfied it.
She thinks about the map she pulled up yesterday. To get to Brockville from Boston, you drive right past the turnoff to Marchburg. Her sister was that close. Granted, Halley lived in the dorms at GW in 2002, but still.
