Page 50 of Tear Me Apart
“I think you’d be wonderful at it, sweetie. It’s a great plan. You’ll need something to do when you retire from competition. I can adjust our homeschool schedule to include a few more English modules if you’d like. Add in a creative writing class?”
“You’re the best, Mom. Who knows, maybe I’ll be an Olympian and World Cup champion and win the Nobel, too.”
“Writers usually have a better chance at winning the Pulitzer, darling, but that’s a great goal to have. I think you’d be a brilliant writer.”
“I think I might, too.”
This barrage of happiness, of planning for the future, rips Lauren’s stomach to shreds, but she keeps the smile glued to her face and nods and coos in all the right places. The change in her daughter is startling. Overnight, she has blossomed again. There is a blush on her cheeks; her eyes are bright.
You were stifling her. She was depressed watching you suffer.
No more. Only happy and excited from now on, she swears to herself. And space. Her daughter clearly needs space. She should have known her budding Buddhist would want some meditative time. She vows to do better.
“Mom, guess what else? Aunt J called. She’s coming up again today.”
“That will be nice. She’s fun, your aunt.”
Mindy’s eyes narrow only slightly at this; Lauren knows she hasn’t been very enthusiastic about her sister in front of her daughter and realizes she shouldn’t have done that. Especially now that Juliet knows the circumstances of Mindy’s birth.
“Don’t give me that look. You forget, she and I practically grew up in different decades. She was much younger, just a pest, and I had a lot on my plate.”
“Like what?”
“Like you and your daddy, silly. I wanted everything to be perfect for the two of you.”
“It has been, Mom. It’s been so much fun.”
“Well, I’m glad to hear it. Now, what should we do today? Do you want to study, do you want to go for a walk?”
“A walk. Definitely. I am shriveling up in here.” She slaps her legs. “Can we do some yoga? I found a great new routine from a girl who has a broken ankle, and I can modify all the moves like she did so I don’t put any pressure on the leg.”
“By all means, let’s do it. I’ll go see where we can practice, okay?”
Mindy beams and Lauren’s heart catches in her throat. She realizes she’s handled Mindy so badly. Normalcy, that’s what her girl needs. From now on, that’s what she is going to get.
Out in the hall, Lauren talks briefly to the nurses and gets permission to use the rehab mats for an impromptu yoga session. On impulse, she sticks her head into Dr. Oliver’s office. What luck, he is there.
“Lauren, come in. You’re looking better this morning.”
“I feel better. Thanks for sending me home. I needed the break but didn’t realize it. Mindy seems much better this morning, too. We’re going to do some yoga.”
He nods, his face suddenly grave. “I’m glad you stopped in, I was about to call you. Her numbers fell off a cliff last night, and I felt it necessary to put some energy into the tank. We gave her a little booster shot. Some B-12, vitamins, iron. She’ll burn through it in a week or so, but for the time being—”
Lauren sinks into the chair opposite the doctor’s desk. “What do you mean, her numbers fell off a cliff?”
“I mean we may have to do a transplant sooner than we’d hoped, with cells that aren’t the perfect match we’re looking for, but as close as we can find.”
“But—”
He suddenly looks so tired. Lauren often forgets she isn’t the only scared mother he’s dealing with. She hasn’t befriended any of the other parents on the ward, has kept everyone at arm’s length. She can’t handle their pain on top of her own. They don’t like her, but she couldn’t care less. But the doctor—she isn’t being fair to him.
Make that another person you’ve sucked dry with your worry and anger and fear.
“Lauren, listen to me. We’re doing everything we can. And I know you don’t want to talk about the circumstances you find yourself in, but Mindy is going to die if we don’t get her a solid transplant. Maybe not tomorrow, or next week, but her time is going to run out. I hate to have to be so frank with you, but her numbers yesterday were very worrisome. There are a few things we can do, like the vitamin shot, that are temporary fixes, but without a sustainable plan...we’re not finding any great matches in the database. We need someone close to her. If we don’t—”
Lauren holds up a hand. “I hear you. I understand.”
“I’m sorry. I’ve been trying to avoid this conversation, but I fear we’re out of time for tact. We need the information about Mindy’s biological mother.”
