Page 32 of Mr Collins in Love
“Miss Lucas?”My voice sounded weary.I turned back.I had not meant to be ill-mannered but I had talked enough.Conversation with strangers was ever a chore and I had done so much of it lately.
“I hope you will permit me to tell you how much I have enjoyed hearing you speak of Hunsford and your garden and the rectory there.It sounds quite charming, and all, really, that any sensible person could want.”
My weariness receded somewhat.“Thank you, Miss Lucas.You are quite right.The rectory at Hunsford is most commodious.”
“It certainly sounds everythingIshould want in a home, sir.”
It came to me that she was being kind, and that, perhaps, she wished to distance herself from the opinions of Miss Elizabeth, who had not been swayed by my descriptions of Hunsford.
“Then you are a young lady of good sense.”
“Yes, it is just the sort of place I should like to live.The rector of Hunsford’s wife should want for nothing, I fancy, having an excellent house, a respectable position, and plenty of opportunity for gainful employment and good works.I am an active, capable sort of woman, Mr Collins, and I like to imagine myself in a place where I may prove useful.”She paused, and then added, “Useful to my husband, you understand, sir, should I ever be fortunate enough to receive a proposal.I should prove a dutiful wife, I think, having a quiet disposition and a good understanding of the benefits of household economy.”
“Your sentiments do you credit, I am sure,” I said.“You will doubtless make someone an excellent wife one day.”
“Thank you, sir.”
She coloured slightly.Perhaps she felt it had been indelicate to discuss matters pertaining to matrimony when I had so recently been disappointed.
“I will go in now, if you will excuse me,” I said.
“Of course.”She curtseyed.“I will come in with you.I am to spend the day here, did you know?I hope we may speak again later.Lydia and Kitty were speaking just now of walking to Meryton this afternoon and perhaps I shall go with them if you will accompany us?I should be very glad of your company.”
In truth, I was glad to have a course of action suggested to me as I was unclear about my role as disappointed suitor, and had been wondering whether it would be most fitting to pursue the unattractive course of refusing luncheon and stopping in my chamber for the afternoon.Clearly, Miss Lucas did not think that kind of behaviour was necessary, and she seemed a sensible sort of female.I could not imagine her suggesting an outing that would be thought unfitting for a man in my position.
I bowed.“I should be very glad to oblige you, Miss Lucas.Assuming it does not rain, that is, as I have only one pair of shoes with me and I should not like to get them wet.It was an oversight on my part, I confess.I should have considered the time of year.Of course, I have the dress shoes I wore to the ball but I can scarcely wear those about the place.”
“I quite understand, sir.”She curtseyed again.“I have not been much away from home myself, but I understand it can be difficult to know just what to bring.But assuming the weather remains fine this afternoon, I shall look forward to our walk and to talking with you further about Hunsford and your situation there.”
I wished her good day again in the hall and made for the study, where I hoped Mr Bennett would not be in possession of the best chair, for if I was walking to Meryton in the afternoon I should certainly want a rest between now and then.However, Mr Bennet was very much in evidence, ensconced in the good chair with a large folio.I felt a spurt of irritation, unwarranted, of course, for it was his house and his library.I greeted him politely and asked after his health.
“What a very punctilious young man you are, Mr Collins,” he said.“For you have not failed to enquire most minutely about my health every day you have been here.Indeed, one might almost think you had a particular interest in the matter.”
“Thank you, sir,” I said.“Certainly, I believe that it is only by showing great attention to the correct behaviour that we may assure ourselves of never giving offense.And it is surely the duty of a guest to concern himself with the health of his host.”
“Interesting that you raise the topic of giving offense, sir.For some might say that a man in your position would do well to allow himself to become—shall we say, a little more disinterested—in the health of a man in my position.”
How I loathed talking to Mr Bennet!He bewildered me at every turn.And yet he seemed to enjoy doing so and it was my duty to converse with him.How I missed Jem.How I missed talking with him of potatoes, or cabbages, or the best way to deal with slugs or with wayward parishioners.I never felt he was trying to trick or to confuse me.His conversation was plain, like a piece of good bread when one is hungry.
“Might they?”I answered, valiantly trying to imagine what type of person might hold such a view.“It sounds unmannerly to me.For does Saint Luke not say ‘as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise’?”
“He does, sir.He does.Yet the Bible also says we should season our words with salt, does it not?”
“Colossians,” I said.“One should speak with grace, seasoned with salt.”
“Quite so, Mr Collins.Quite so.The salt is the thing, eh?It adds a little interest, does it not?”
“You are quite right, I’m sure, sir,” I said, desperately.I had no idea what we were talking about.
There was a pause and then he said, in a musing way, “So Lizzie will not have you, Mr Collins.”
This was the last thing I wished to discuss, but the dictates of good manners meant I could not remain silent.I managed to say, “No, sir.”
“Females are empty-headed creatures, though Lizzie, perhaps, is less empty-headed than some.Perhaps you are better off without her?”
“I should not say so,” I said, with some dignity, and, I felt, gallantry.“Though I own that I do not understand her.”
“I should think not!For how could an educated man such as yourself understand a girl such as Lizzie?”
