Page 67 of Forbidden Kisses
"What do you say about joining us?"
"What, at the zoo?"
Jeremy jumped up. "What did she say?"
"Is Jeremy right next to you?" she asked.
"Yeah. And he really wants you here."
"How about you?" she whispered.
I sucked in a deep breath. "So do I." If Jeremy wasn't here, I’d tell her just how fucking much. She belonged here with us. With me. I felt it in my bones.
"It's going to take me about forty minutes to get there."
Something reared in my chest. It was almost like a small explosion, combined with relief. "We'll be here waiting for you," I said.
Jeremy cried out, jumping up and down, pretty much expressing what I felt.
"Thank you," she said.
"I'll pay for your Uber.”
"What? No, Duncan. Come on. I can afford that."
"But I've asked you here."
"Hey, it's my free time, okay? I can do as I please, and if I happen to want to go to the zoo to see the baby zebra, that's on me."
I didn't want to start an argument in front of Jeremy, and I was beginning to understand that when it came to Riley, I had to be careful about which battles I fought. "Fine. Let us know when you're nearby."
Once she disconnected the call, Jeremy jumped up and down again. "I told you she wants to come, Dad! I told you! I like Riley."
"So do I."
He looked up at me and said with a toothy grin, "When I’m with her, it almost feels like I have a mom."
It was like a physical blow to my stomach. My elation drained instantly, giving place to worry as we stepped away from the zebra so others could see it.
"Jeremy, you have a mom." It was a weak reply, but what else could I give him?
"You know what I mean. Someone who’s here and does mom stuff with me."
I gritted my teeth. I'd always been determined to give my son everything he needed, but it was time to admit that I couldn't replace his mother, as hard as I tried.
"Come on. Let's sit down," I said, sitting on the bench between the zebra enclosure and the neighboring restaurant. “Jeremy, is there anything you would like us to do together? That would make you feel like you aren't missing out on things?"
"Hm. I don’t know. I’ll think about it." He dangled his feet under the bench and gripped the edges, looking down. "I just, like, really like Riley."
Just when I thought I’d gotten a grip on fatherhood, Jeremy got older and I had to deal with a new layer of complexity. I was always playing catch-up. I could read the stock market no problem and deal with any crisis that came up at work. But my son always kept me on my toes and managed to surprise me. He was growing up too fast.
"Let's buy a snack so we can all share it when Riley comes," I suggested.
"Yes!"
"What does she eat when you come here?"
"I’ll show you. She likes two specific carts, one that sells ice cream and one that sells popcorn, and she always eats it together."
