Page 56 of Space Cowgirl: Houston, All Systems Go
“Or something.” He grins. “Lord knows he should be. He’s been ready for more responsibility for the last year or two.” His dark lashes flutter as he opens his eyes, adjusting to the bright sun. When he looks at me, gone is the steadfast cowboy, the responsible father figure and controlling attitude. In its place is vulnerability, uncertainty, and worry. Things I’ve never found attractive until now.
“But Grandpa relied on me. He signed this place over to me.” He clears his throat. “I’m responsible for all this. I can’t let him down.”
If there was ever a time I needed to know how to deal with feelings, now is it. I said I’d take my cue from Holt when committing to whatever this thing is between us, but I hadn’t thought he’d open up like this.
Give the man some nookie and all his walls comes down. Who knew?
Not knowing what to say, I go with the truth and hope for the best. “Holt, your grandfather sounds like he was a good man. I’m sure you’re right that he worked the ranch because he loved it.” Holt nods at my words, and I’m encouraged to keep going. “But I’m pretty sure he gave you the ranch when he passed not to ensure you worked it, but rather to show you that he loves you. That he trusts you with what he loved.”
Thankfully, Holt doesn’t seem annoyed at my thoughts. “But if that’s true, doesn’t that mean that he trusted me to continue his work?”
“Not necessarily.” I speak slowly, trying to wade through my thoughts. “I think he just knew that you loved it here.”
He looks back over the water, watching the kids jump off the dock. “Hmmm.”
“Are you angry that Flynn and Rose don’t work the ranch?”
“What? No. Of course not.”
“Why not?”
“Well, it isn’t what they wanted. Flynn’s always loved cars, he took after our dad that way, and Rose… well, Rose is Rose. She might like wearing the hat and boots and can probably outride me.” He shoots me the side-eye. “Don’t tell her I said that. But she isn’t one to muck any stalls.”
“So why doesn’t it matter what you want?”
“The ranch is my responsibility.”
“Just how much responsibility do you have to take on, cowboy?”
He frowns harder.
“Sure, you’re the oldest, so a lot of decisions came your way. And looking around, and knowing Rose and Flynn, you did a good job. But they’re all grown up. The ranch is successful, but you have oil money to support the land even if it wasn’t. Isn’t it time you did whatyouwanted to do?”
He doesn’t answer, but he doesn’t seem mad, so I’m going to mark this feelings talk a success.
Go me.
I lie back to bask in the sun and my general awesomeness when Holt throws me for a loop.
“And you?”
Startled out of my self-congratulations, I hold out my hand to block the sun and look up at him. “What do you mean, ‘and you’?”
He picks up his hat and settles it over his head before shifting his body closer to mine. The wide brim of the hat helps block the sun from my eyes as he leans over me. “Seems a silly question, knowing you, but did you always want to be an astronaut?”
My always ready public relations answer is ‘yes,’ but for some reason I stop myself.
Maybe it’s because Holt was honest with me a minute ago, or maybe I’m just that awesome at relationships and never knew it, but I think it over. “I’m not sure.”
His eyebrows shoot up under his hat. “Really?”
I huff out a laugh. “Yeah, really.”
“So what did you want to do?”
I settle back under his shade, a deep sigh escaping me. “The truth is, I can’t remember wanting something that wasn’t purposely in direct opposition of what the general wanted me to do.”
“Someone actually tried to tell you what to do?”
