Page 36 of Space Oddities

I’ve told him things I shouldn’t have. I want things I shouldn’t—can’t—have.

By the time I make it back to the guest room, my legs drag like lead, weighed down by the reality I’ve been trying to ignore. My body, just a moment ago energized, is now drained. I snuggle into the cocoon of luxury woven sheets and a fluffy down quilt, willing my heart to pull up its big girl panties and carry on like it has so many times in the past.

I pretend to be asleep when Ian calls out goodbye before he heads off to work.

Ten

Maybe This Time

Ian

“I’ll do it.”

Dom glances up from his desk, looking quite pleased. “Knew you would. You’d be an idiot not to.”

Thinking of the silence coming from behind Trish’s closed bedroom door this morning, I feel the jury is out on whether or not I’m an idiot. I thought things had been going well. But maybe I shouldn’t have brought her to my room last night. Or I should’ve at least asked her beforehand. I hadn’t wanted to wake her, though.

“Besides it being the right decision, what made you change your mind?” Dom leans back in his chair, gesturing to the seat in front of him.

After a moment of hesitation, I walk through the threshold I’ve been standing in and take a seat. I leave the door open. Baby steps.

“I figured it was time to step it up.” It’s what I tell Dom. But the real reason is a short brunette with a backbone of steel. After last night, hearing all that Trish has come up against and moved on from, I figure it’s time for me to do the same. I searched well-reviewed local therapists before I fell asleep last night, spurred on by Trish’s certainty that talking to someone would help. I even set up an appointment with one of them.

“Good, good. Though like I said before, your past record here at NASA speaks for itself. If Jackie was still here, it would probably be a choice between the two of you, though you’d have a leg up seeing that you have more experience with managing people.” He swivels, stabbing at his keyboard.

I glance at the open door, taking a breath while I listen. This isn’t so bad. I can do this.

“With Jackie now in the astronaut office it’s a bit of a no-brainer to have you replace me. However, this lead position in Germany will make the higher-ups happier, and your transition easier.” He squints at the screen. “Your passport up to date?”

“Yes, sir.” All federal employees have to keep an updated government passport at the ready.

“Good, good.” He nods, clicking his mouse. “I just sent you the itinerary. You’ll fly out in two weeks.”

I look away from the doorway. “I’m sorry, what?”

“Two weeks and you’ll be making the eleven-hour flight to Munich.” Leaning back in his chair once more he grins, satisfied. “Sounds great, right?”

“Yeah.” I swallow. “Great.”

* * *

“I think I messed up.”

Jules nods while running through the two-inch-thick three-ring binder that houses a command check list in the ISS mock-up in Building 9. “Knew you would.”

“Hey, you could at leasttryto be helpful, you know.”

“Helpful like telling you Trish is in trouble so you could swoop in like a hero? That kind of helpful?” She arches a brow at me, for once making me glad I’m not an astronaut. Being confined with her on the ISS would probably drive me crazy.

“Quiet.” I look around, but Jackie and Mitch, the other astronauts running through training in Building 9, are too far away to hear. “I told Trish I wouldn’t tell anyone. She’s skittish.”

“Skittish.” She snorts before leveling a look at me. “Then whyareyou talking to me?”

I run a hand through my hair, a gesture that’s new to me. I don’t get flustered. Especially not at work. “You’re the one who knows her and also knows she’s staying at my house.” Thankfully, Trish agreed to let Jules know from the start. Otherwise I would have had to deal with the crazy-ass astronaut riding me like one of her boyfriend’s broncos, trying to learn what I was doing to ensure ‘her Shortstacks’s safety.’

Yes, definitely a blessing I’m not an astronaut having to be confined with this curly-headed nutcase for months at a time.

Unaffected by my agitation, she nods again. “True.” Propping a foot up on the side of the module, she drapes the binder on her thigh so she can use two hands to flip the required switches.

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