Page 73 of Space Oddities

“Why do you keep packing stuff that doesn’t belong to me?” I rummage deeper into the duffle bag I gave her, pulling out one of Ian’s Speedos. “Seriously?” Pulling open a dresser drawer, I shove the bathing suit inside. “I swear I could’ve packed twice as fast and been out of here by now if I’d just done it myself.”

Rose shrugs, still lying flat on her back. “I thought you might want a memento.”

The memory of Ian wearing that particular Speedo, his sculpted muscles wet and slippery from gilding through the water, has me swallowing.

Next, I find a takeout menu from the Chinese place we ordered from the night of our pillow-fort-building, Korean-drama-watching picnic. I toss the menu on top of the dresser, blinking back tears.

I don’t need mementos to remember the time I spent here. I have a bad feeling it’s already engraved on my heart.

“And I know this is ironic coming from the girl with a three-thousand-square-foot downtown penthouse, but why the heck does Ian need all this space? Seems odd for a single dude to have this huge house.” She props herself up on her elbows, looking around the large room. “I thought Captain America’s house would be cooler. Or at least better furnished. I mean, honestly, who lives like this?”

Someone who’s claustrophobic.

My eyes travel to the closet, the doors of which are open. The memory of Ian bursting out of those same doors, sweat on his brow, chest heaving with each panicked inhalation, squeezes at my already-hurting heart.

I swing one of the last two duffle bags over my shoulder. “Come on. Time to go. We’re lucky he hasn’t come back yet.”

Slowly, Rose ambles to her feet. She grabs the strap of the other bag but doesn’t lift it up. Instead, her eyes, unusually serious, bore into mine. “I know I told you to move out to the ranch, but…” She sighs like she’s unwillingly admitting something. “Are yousureyou should leave?” When I’m silent, she presses. “You should at least talk to Ian before you go. I mean, do you even want to go?”

No, I don’t want to go. This duffle, though heavy, feels like concrete on my shoulder. Like it’s packed with all my past, poor decisions. Decisions and choices that leave me so far removed from being the kind of woman who could make a man like Ian happy. And he so deserves to be happy.

Ian Kincaid, NASA engineer and son of a US senator, was fine before he met me, and he’ll be fine when I’m gone. That conviction nearly breaks me, making me realize Ian inviting me to Germany was a godsend. It’s a lot harder than I thought it would be to pack up and go. If I wait a few more days, I might not be able to. I’ve let myself settle down too much. In this house. With Ian.

I guess that’s the funny thing about putting down roots, even those as shallow as my imagination lets me dig. Once you start, you just want more. You want to dig deeper.

I let this large house, this bubble I created, separate me from reality. In Ian’s mansion, with the wide, curtainless windows and sparse furniture, I let myself believe that I had a chance at something. Something other than a fleeting moment.

Funny what a little square footage can do to one’s sense of self.

Shaking all of that off, I square my shoulders, hitching the bag higher. “Yes, it’s time…” I pause, tilting my head at Rose, her odd behavior suddenly making sense. “Have you been stalling this whole time? Is that why you’re dragging your feet and packing things you know I’ll need to put back?”

White teeth flash in a grimace. “Well…”

My chin drops open wide enough to catch flies. Then my eyes narrow.

Seeing my expression, Rose takes a step back. “Now, now. Don’t get mad. I was just…”

“You best be picking that up and hustling your rear end downstairs.” I point a newly chipped nail at the duffle bag by her feet, my voice coming out hard between clenched teeth. “’Cause if Ian gets home before we leave, therewillbe hell to pay.”

Wide-eyed, Rose hefts the bag on her shoulder. “Sheesh. Try and do a girl a favor…”

* * *

Five minutes later,Rose huffs a breath as she heaves the last duffle bag, this one full of shoes, out of the house into the garage.

I point to the large bag just a few feet to my right. “I swear, if even one heel is damaged, I’m going to be madder than a hornet.” I’m still mighty angry at her for stalling, even if she did finally pick up the pace once we got the bags downstairs.

Rose snorts. “Are you still mad?” She waves her hand. “Never mind. Doesn’t matter. Short people are cute when they’re mad.”

I stomp my foot, too late realizing I just proved her point.

She smiles. “See?”

I take a deep breath and tell myself I love this girl. That if I strangle her, I’ll regret it later. I glance at my watch. Plus, it’ll take too long to hide the body.

Ian’s appointment should already be over. I’m lucky he said he had errands to run before picking up dinner on the way home. If my luck holds, I can still get gone before he comes back.

Opening the trailer door, I motion with my other hand at the bag. “Grab that side. We’ll lay it down on the floor with the others, and I’ll put everything back in its place once we reach the ranch.”

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