Page 48 of Space Balls: Houston, We Have Liftoff
Jase’s eyes bug out, and Jacob looks down at his plate. “Sorry.”
Well, shit. I hadn’t meant to say that. “Ah, don’t be.” I smile widely as if proving just how okay I am with my parents’ passing. “It was a long time ago.”
“Here you go, Mom.” Vance serves her a few slices of breast meat. His eyes are soft on me before he winks and asks the table, “Who wants a leg?”
The sad tangent forgotten, Jacob and Jase raise their hands and call out, “Me! Me!”
Brittany pouts. “Between the two of you, I’ll never get to have a turkey leg on Thanksgiving again.”
I catch the boys’ eyes. They blink and sit up.
“You can have my leg, Mom.” Jase elbows Jacob, who nods fervently.
“Yeah,” Jacob adds. “You can have mine too.”
Brittany and Matt stare at their boys like they’ve each grown another head.
“Isn’t that nice?” Helen beams. “Such gentlemen you two are turning out to be.”
“True gentlemen are feminists,” Jacob says with a solemn look on his face. “And should always make sure a woman has the first choice when he can.”
Jase nods. “Especially as most of their choices were taken when patriarchal societies were first established to suppress female rights and power.” He looks at me. “Isn’t that right, Rose?”
“That’s right.” I roll my lips in to keep from laughing and raise my water glass to them. “Always knew you boys would make great feminists.”
Jacob and Jase beam at me and raise their water glasses in return. “Cheers!”
Brittany turns to me as I sip, her mouth open. “I’m just saying”—she leans across the table, resting her hand on one of Helen’s, which is still on one of mine—"that if my brother’s an idiot and doesn’t put a ring on it,I’mgoing to marry you.”
My face heats again. I search for something smart-ass to say to deflect, but my mind blanks. I can’t meet Vance’s eye.
“I’m that replaceable, huh?” Matt nudges his wife, saving me from having to respond. “Thanks for that, babe.”
Unrepentant, Brittany sits back, smirking at her husband. “Any time, honey.”
“Here you go, Brit.” Vance hacks the legs off the bird and tosses them both on his sister’s plate. He throws his sister an indecipherable look.
“Ah…” Brittany frowns at the massacred legs. “Thanks?”
Before I can shake off whatever awkwardness is taking control of my brain and further assess Vance’s expression, Matt lifts his plate for turkey. “White meat for me. You know I’m a breast man.” He chuckles while Brittany rolls her eyes, looking very much like her sons.
“Jeez, Dad.” Jase shakes his head at his father. “Don’t be such a mis-o-gin-iss.”
“Yeah, Dad.” Jacob rolls his eyes with dramatic disgust. “Really.”
The whole table laughs.
“Seriously, Rose.” Brittany toasts me with her wine glass. “We can elope right now.”
“Victory is mine!”I stand as tall as my flat sandals allow me in the inch-deep shag carpet and raise my game controller in the air.
“She’s like a Jedi Master of Fortnite,” Jase whispers to his dad.
“Undefeated I am.” I try to nod sagely, but it’s no doubt ruined by my shit-eating grin.
What can I say? I love winning.
“Har, har,” Jacob deadpans.
