Page 85 of The Ring Thief
CHAPTER 36
Declan
“What’re you saying?” I lean closer to her. The shine in her eyes is visible, even in the dim lighting out here. Still, for the first time in months, it feels like I’m looking at my wife again.
“Everything that’s happened with us, our families, the past…” she wrinkles her nose, and I can’t resist the urge to drop a small kiss on it, making her smile. “It’s messy and horrible. It would be easier to call this done and just shut the door on it.”
“I don’t want that,” I say fiercely. “I don’t want to start again. I can’t imagine anything worse. Without you, there’s nothing.” My heart feels like it’s about to burst out of my chest, leaving me an empty shell to bleed out over the floor at her feet. But then there’s a shift. A softening in the air, and I see it… the corners of her eyes tilting down just slightly, the corners of her mouth tugging up.
“I can’t, either,” she confesses so quietly, I have to lean closer to catch the words. “You’re my forever, Dec.”
I palm the back of her neck pulling her towards me, pressing our foreheads together. Inhaling deeply through my nose, it’s as if I’m drawing her very essence into my lungs.
“And you’re mine. I let you down, in so many ways. I know that. And what happened with Silvia…” my forehead rolls gently against hers when I shake my head. “I didn’t trust you,” I say, hating the way she flinches under my hold. “I didn’t, and I should have. If I’d just given you the truth, trusting in your ability to handle it…I was convinced that by remaining silent, I was protecting you, but I think I was just protecting myself.”
“What do you mean?”
My smile is rueful. “I was so sure that if you knew who Donald truly was, what he’d done, you’d see me differently.” She opens her mouth, but I ask quietly, “Let me get this out?” I wait for her nod before continuing. “I’ve spent my entire life trying to protect Nolan and Darcy from him and, in small ways, my mother. But… Lily, I never saw you coming. It was so sudden, but then you were there, the most important person, and Donald was gunning for your family, for your father. If you found out, I risked you not believing me and thinking I was just like him. I was tied up in so many knots, trying to keep everything balanced without Donald realizing I was going to bring him down…and without losing you. In the chaos of it, I wanted to believe I had someone on my side, someone who understood the realities of our families and Silvia…” I squeeze my eyes shut, selfishly not wanting to see her pain at my words. “I might’ve been blind to her and what was happening, but I never shut her down when I should’ve. You’re right, I gave her pieces of me, but they always belonged to you.”
There’s the slightest tremble under my hand, and I dig my fingers lightly into her neck, reminding her of where we are now. “I was so lost in all of it, Lily. I forgot the most important part, trusting you. I didn’t let you in, and I won’t ask forgiveness for that because I’ll never deserve it, even if you give me a lifetime to earn it. There is no excuse for how we started and where we ended up, and the choices I’ve made in between.”
I open my eyes and find her blue eyes on mine, steady and sure, our faces so close that each breath mingles. The silence draws out, each second adding another layer of tension to my body until it feels like I might break apart. Still, I don’t push her, feeling like everything is right there, just out of my reach, but one wrong move and it’ll be gone.
She takes a step forward, a slight loosening of her body, warmth curling through her eyes.
“Lily?” Her name is a breath, a prayer, a question and my hope, all rolled in one.
“It won’t be easy,” she warns me just as quietly, and I wonder if she feels the fragility of the moment too. “There’s a lot of work to do, a lot of mending.” I nod, and her lips tip up in the smallest of smiles. “I’m not ready to let you go, Declan.”
I’m not ashamed to admit my vision blurs as my eyes water. It takes a long time for me to gather some semblance of control, my voice thready when I tell her, “You won’t regret it, Lily. I’ll make sure you don’t.”
“There’ll be boundaries,” she says firmly. “Lines that you can’t ever cross. Not again.”
“You could ask me to walk through fire, and I’d do it,” I say earnestly. “I’d do anything you asked of me to try to make up for everything I’ve done, even knowing there’s nothing I could ever do to deserve this chance.”
Her mouth trembles. “I don’t want to hold this against you. I won’t be the person who constantly throws your mistakes in your face when something happens. I don’t think we should just forget about it, because we wouldn’t be here now if it hadn’t of happened.” She strokes her fingers down my cheek, brushing a stray tear away. I hadn’t even realized it had fallen. The music from the gala drifts outside to us, the sound of people talking, but nothing penetrates. All I see is her.
“I don’t want an illusion of love, Dec. I want it all. I want a partner, someone who stands at my side and gives me every single truth, even when it hurts. I want the trust, the struggles, and the fight. I want a person who’ll choose me every day, no matter what that looks like.”
“I’ll be that man for you,” I vow. “There’s so much I regret, so many choices I wish I hadn’t made. I hate that this was a lesson I ever needed to learn, but I’m a better man for meeting you, Lily. Out of the two of us, you are the strong one. You awe me, because without you, I never would have taken the risk of getting out from under Donald’s thumb. You gave me that, and you gave me hope.”
We let the silence wash over us, but then she reaches out, touching the collar of my shirt. I glance at her, thinking she must be straighteningit, but then her fingers brush my neck, tugging at the chain hidden there.
I close my fingers around her wrist, gently stopping her, and her eyes lift to mine, curiosity blazing back at me. “Hiding things already?” She tuts her tongue, but it’s playful. “Let me see.”
I blow out a breath before dipping my chin in assent. My eyes are on hers as she pulls it out, the jewelry gleaming in the twinkling lights. Her mouth drops open at the sight of the rings, three of them, hanging together on the silver chain.
“Declan…” she says, her voice lost in the air of the night, her finger trailing over the delicate metal of her wedding bands, and then mine.
“I had to keep you close to me in some way,” I tell her honestly. She flutters her lashes, but nothing stops the fall of tears once they start. She ducks her head, but I pull her into my arms, letting her hide against my chest. “I didn’t think this would upset you.”
Her voice is muffled when she answers me, “I remember the day I first saw your hand without your ring,” she says. “I thought…”
I frown. “You thought?”
She pulls back, just enough to give me a self-deprecating smile. “I took my rings off, and I knew what it meant. I knew I still loved you, but the rings represented a lie, and I needed space to come to terms with the way everything had blown up in my face.” I wince, but she doesn’t seem to notice. “But then you came around one day and your finger was bare, and I thought—” her throat bobs on her next swallow, and my hand lowers until my thumb is brushing against her lower lip, feeling it quiver under my touch. “In my mind, it was just another confirmation that none of it was real. You were telling me you loved me here,” she lifts her hand to my lips, pressing a finger there, “but the ring was gone, and that was screaming louder than anything else.”
“Fuck, baby,” I groan out. “Never. It was never that.” I catch her hand in mine, pressing them both against the rings, feeling the press of the metal through my shirt. “These rings—they’re a symbol of what we’ve been through… what I’ve done. They’re a reminder of our love, even when I fucked everything to hell and back. I couldn’t let you throw them away that day.” She lets out a choked sob, and I can’t stop myself, leaning forward to press my lips to hers. Almost immediately, her mouth softens against mine, and with a low sound of desperation I deepen the kiss, cupping her face in my hands.
