Page 15 of Red Rabbit
I finally got my breathing to settle and managed to meditate for an hour where I drifted into a state of suspension made so much more potent by being in nature. When I slowly came out of it, I mentally felt better but physically my body still hurt. Everything was sore although I was surprised Graham’s plant medicine worked. The throbbing in my arm was less than before. I risked a look behind me and instantly regretted it.
Graham was reclined by the fire and looked like the sex god he claimed he was. He was on his side, propped up by an elbow as he pulled apart a stick and stared into the fire. He looked a million miles away.
Since he didn’t want to talk, there was literally nothing for me to do but sit and think and so far that wasn’t going well for me. Sometimes self reflection is a bitch. I was happy with my life but there was always something that felt like it was missing. I thought once I worked hard and moved to New York, that would be it—I thought once I got the fiance—that would be it—but I continued to feel not quite satisfied.
If my life had a tagline,Not Quite Satisfiedwould probably be it I thought dryly. The only thing that gave me excitement in my life was my career—getting to design top tier military tech was exciting and challenging. I worked my whole life to be in the position I was in now—thirty-eight and one of the most accomplished, respected tech developers in the industry. It was the only thing I ever wanted to be after my dad walked me into the bomb squadron hangar when I was little and showed me what he did for work. Several years later when he was killed in action, it became my way to honor and feel close to him.
I didn’t want to think about him right now though, being out here made me feel closer to him which then just made me feel sad. I picked up a stick and wrote some computer code in the dirt to distract myself and it made the next few hours bearable.
The sun was low in the sky when Graham got up from the fire.
“I’m going to see if I can catch a few more fish for dinner.”
“Can I come?” I don’t know why I asked. He looked surprised but nodded and I kept wondering if he was waiting for me to be a liability. I wasn’t stupid but I would comfortably admit I’d have no idea what I was doing without him here. However, I wasn’t about to be dead weight. My work ethic and stubbornness wouldn’t let me. We walked through the woods for a few minutes until we came to a different part of the river. I watched him roll up his sleeves as he walked over to the edge of the water.
“Did you make that?” I asked.
There was a funnel type system in the shallows and he nodded. Several fish swam around in it already. He took off his shoes and waded in to grab them. I walked over and took my shoes off too.
“What are you doing?”
“You know, you ask me that a lot,” I said dryly.
I waded in after him. The water was cold but it felt good on my aching feet. I tried to catch one of the fish but it just splashed away to a different part of the shallows. I tried again and could have sworn I heard a very laugh-like sound from Graham.
“What?” I straightened and pushed my hair out of my face.
“Not like that,” he said as he tried to hide a smile. He crouched in the water and lowered his hands slowly. Within a second he came up with a fish. I frowned but tried again and this time was rewarded when my hands connected with the slippery trout. I came up with it as it thrashed about in my grip and I nearly lost it.
“Fuck,” I said and splashed back to shore quickly before I dropped it. I turned back around and threw Graham a grin. “I did it!”
“Now you have to kill it, sweetheart.”
I lost my smile and grimaced as the fish gasped in my hands.
“How do I do that?” While I’d gone fishing once before, I was never the one to kill them and I’m sure my father did it while I wasn’t looking.
He came to the shore with a fish of his own and crouched over it on the ground before he slammed a rock on its head. My stomach jolted briefly at the brutality but I came over and took the rock and repeated what I’d seen him do although I winced as I did it. It was kill it or not eat. I felt his eyes on me the entire time.
“Now what?”
“We catch a few more and then clean them.”
“Why do we clean them here?”
“Bears.”
I looked around nervously. I really didn’t want to run into a bear.
He put his dead fish with mine and went to catch a few more. I looked around, not exactly excited to kill another fish, but before I could join him I saw something equally exciting.
“Are those blueberries?”
He glanced up and then over to where I was headed and nodded.
“Looks like it. Here—” he threw me his flannel. I tried not to notice that only left him in his tight black t-shirt.
When we got back to camp, I felt like we had a feast. I set the blueberries down and helped Graham skewer the four fish onto two sticks. This time we each held a stick of our own and munched on blueberries while we waited for them to roast.
