Page 109 of Darling Wildfire
Kane just looked confused. Preacher sighed and sat up.
“I used to pray before every job. Made a point to include any of the team who wanted in on it. It was just a ritual I had going on.”
Preacher saw all of us invested in his answer. He tilted his chin up and ran his fingers along the scar on his throat.
“Problem is—I didn’t see God when I was close to death,” he looked at Kane. “I saw the devil.”
“Why’d you choose that name here then? You could have been anything,” Kane said.
Preacher shrugged. “It was my old call sign.”
He paused for a moment before continuing. “I don’t want to forget who I am in here. God has forsaken me—but I can’t abandon myself. We have to compartmentalize, but at what point do we lose ourselves and become what Vetticus wants us to become?” He shook his head sadly. “I may have killed and done some terrible shit—and I may even go to hell for it—but I’ll be damned if I lose myself enough to forget everything he took from me.”
Silence fell as we all digested what he’d said. Then Kane ruined it. “So how’d you get the scar?”
Preacher looked at him in resigned amusement and shook his head.
“A serial cop killer broke into my house,” he said. “Came up behind me and—” he ran his fingers across his scar again.
“Jesus,” Nyx muttered.
“They say when you get close to the end you see lights and tunnels—angels—that sort of shit—” He shook his head. “I saw nothing but fire, and shadows that looked an awful lot like demons.”
He rubbed his neck like he could still feel his life blood bleeding out over his hands.
“I woke up in the hospital. I guess the guy had dragged me into the nearby wetlands and left me to die. It’s a miracle anyone even found me. According to the medics, I died on the way to the hospital—was out for over five minutes. I couldn’t talk for months afterwards but I’m alive. Haven’t prayed since.”
“You don’t think it was God who gave you that miracle?” Kane asked.
“I don’t know what to believe anymore,” Preacher said. “But I do know,when I was on the verge of death and when I died, there wasn’t anyone welcoming me home, just dragging me further into hell. My faith felt real foolish after that. Why would I continue to pray to someone who’s just going to abandon me in the end?”
“You don’t believe in forgiveness?”
“God supposedly loves sinners, right? Yet the true villains go to hell. What’s the difference between me and someone who’s evil? We’re both doing it consciously, so should I still ask for forgiveness? How can I ask for forgiveness when I know I’ll have to sin again tomorrow? And sure, maybe you could argue that I don’tenjoyit or whatever like a truly evil person—but maybe I’m just lying to myself about that too.” He shook his head. “Anyway, now that I know I’m most likely not going to heaven, I just don’t see the point.”
Kane fell silent with the rest of us while we all thought about what Preacher said.
“How’d you get your scar, Kane?” Preacher asked.
Kane relaxed back on the couch.
“I was captured while on a job,” he said. “Tortured for information.”
“Where did you serve?” Nyx asked.
Kane yawned and stretched out on his bed. “I was GGK.”
My eyebrows shot up, and Nyx whistled low in appreciation. From the look on everyone’s faces, Kane was making a lot more sense to them. GGK was an elite commando unit of the Malaysian Army. They faced some of the toughest training out of any unit in the world.
“They of course didn’t get anything from me but they did ruin my good looks,” he joked.
“I’ve seen a video where you guys do live firing target practice with each other,” Atlas said.
“Have to trust the man standin’ next to you,” he said easily. “Or in this case, across from you. I will say, your balls shrivel up real quick when you have to put that paddle between your legs for the first time though, but you get used to it.”
Atlas chuckled and shook his head with a look on his face as though all his questions had just been answered.
“I commend you guys for that,” he said. “The US would never.”
