Page 24 of Crossbones
All I can do is plead—
So I beg…
I beg—
…and beg and beg and beg—
A cry brings me back to the present. Wrenching me violently from the past.
“I’m here,” I choke out.
I only have time to see the brief gratefulness flicker in Raul’s eyes beforethe water washes over his head.
“No!” I shout, yanking his hand to me as though I can pull him from death that easily. I grip his hand tightly when I realize the water isn’t receding. He thrashes as his air runs out. It takes everything in me to keep ahold of his hand as the bubbles grow frantic along with his movements.
“No, no, no!” My words are angry, not desperate. This cannot happen again—why is this happening again?The agony of my failure rips a cry from my own throat and as Raul’s movements slow and finally stop, I’m left with the uncomfortable silence of death. Except it’s not silent—it’s screaming out to me that once again I couldn’t save someone right in front of me.
I clutch Raul’s cold hand to me as though he can help hold back the emotions pushing against my chest making it hard for me to breathe.
I slam my free hand against the bars. “Fuck!”
The ship lurches and falls down a swell. I fight to keep my nose and mouth above water, refusing to let his hand go even though it means coughing up the sea every time the ship tips broadside. My wrists ache from the weight of the shackles, my lungs hurt but still I hold onto death like it’s the last thread keeping me here.
Who did you fail?
The words echo around me—taunting me with the way they toe the line between past and present.
No. No, this time was different. I didn’t let go.
This time I did everything I could—I didn’t fail Raul like I’d failed my sister. Because after the pleading, after the begging when my voice had long gone hoarse and hers had died to a whimper—when all she’d had left was the lifeline of my eyes searing into hers—I looked away.
I fucking looked away.I closed my eyes like the moment didn’t belong to me and while I couldn’t disappear physically, I’d cut her off just as effectively. And I’ll never forgive myself for that.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper.
To who, I’m not sure. Raul. My sister. Myself. Maybe to all three.
I’d abandoned her and made her die alone. No one should die alone.
“I’m so damn sorry.”
It feels like a lifetime that I hover between nearly drowning and still having inches of air above my face but the seas finally calm and slowly the water recedes to my chest, then down to my waist. Still, I hold on to Raul’s hand. I collapse back against the wall. Everything aches—
The door above creaks open and Harrison, two other pirates and Blackwelldescend the steps. Harrison rushes over, glaring at me as he takes in the scene. He and the two other men move the crate, freeing Raul’s body. I’m forced to release his hand and with reluctance, I let him slip away, feeling some sort of way about it but refusing to show any more raw emotion around Blackwell.
I look away as the men remove Raul’s body, and meet Blackwell’s stare with a heavy one of my own. I don’t have any anger in me at the moment, only the heaviness of death and the exhaustion of trying to keep myself alive.
“We need to move ‘im while we clean up the hold.” Harrison nods towards me.
Blackwell unlocks the warped cell door. It takes him a few hard yanks to pull the door out of the weird angle it’s at but eventually he succeeds. He grabs my manacled wrist and drags me towards the stairs.
We don’t speak—I can see by the set of his shoulders, the storm exhausted both of us. Opening a room down the main hallway of the ship, Blackwell shoves me inside with barely a glance in my direction before slamming and locking the door. I look around at the room which is obviously used for excess storage. Barrels and crates fill nearly the entire space and the only light is from a small porthole. Well, that’s an improvement at least.
Nausea sweeps through me at the ungodly amount of salt water I’d just consumed, and the thirst hits me hard. I sink down into an unoccupied corner and close my eyes. I’ve saved a lot of people, but why is it that I only see the ones I couldn’t?
Who did you fail?
As I drift unconscious, the eyes of Raul, my sister and countless others follow me into the dark, making sure I don’t forget.
