Page 46 of Crossbones
I hear Van inhale sharply. Blackwell glances up, first at Van, then at me. I school my features to avoid reacting. He tilts his head, narrowing his eyes slightly.
“After that, we’ll head to Argentum.” His eyes are still on me.
Ironhold.A place I said I’d never set foot in again.
My palms are sweating, the air suffocating. The memories are trying to shove their way forward. The scars on my back feel tight but I resist the urge to shrug my shoulders, knowing I’m under the Captain’s microscope. I don’t need him discovering any more cracks.
“Wouldn’t Verdun be a better choice, Captain?” Van speaks up and my jaw tics, willing him to shut the fuck up.
I hum my displeasure so only he can hear, but while he stiffens next to me, he stands firm as he meets Blackwell’s gaze. Blackwell stares at Van, but quickly looks back at me, somehow knowing I’m the root of whatever Van’s issue is.
“Is there a problem with stopping in Ironhold?” Harrison demands.
He’s leaning back against the Captain’s desk, arms folded across his chest, and a semi-glare on his face. His standard look where I’m concerned. He’s looking back and forth between me and Van, picking up that something is wrong. Flynt shifts on his feet, looking distinctly uncomfortable. I clear my throat.
“No, Ironhold will do just fine.”
The silence in the room is oppressive. Van opens his mouth again.
“Van,” I bark sharply. “Enough.”
He slams his mouth shut and huffs in frustration. He’s not as good at hiding his emotions and damnit, the worry and fear are written all over his face. Blackwell studies him for a beat before he looks back down at the maps and continues to talk about resupplying details, and the plan after Ironhold, but I’m not listening. All I hear ishisvoice in my ear.
“My little prince—” He purrs.
His hands run across my skin but I’m so far gone I can’t even recoil. The rough rope burns my wrists as I yank against them. I can’t bring myself to give up the fight, but it only seems to fuel him. He leans over my back, his breath hot on my neck.
“My little toy,” He pants. “No, no—stay with me—” His fingers dig into my scalp and he yanks my head up, pulling me from whatever oblivion I was trying to escape to.
“Caspian—”
I blink. The past evaporates, and I see Van standing in front of me, his face a little pale. He looks like he’s been trying to get my attention. I can’t breathe—everyone is looking at me. I can’t be in this cramped space any longer. I abruptly storm out of the room and onto the main deck. I stride quickly over to the rail, knuckles white as I hang on for dear life, and gulp in massive breaths of crisp sea air.
“Caspian.” It’s Van.
“What the fuck was that?” I hiss, hiding my fear behind anger.
“You know you can’t go to Ironhold!” Van whispers harshly. “Especially after what just happened in there! What if he—”
“I’ll keep my head down,” I state firmly.
“No,” Van growls.
I’ve only ever seen him this angry once or twice over the years. Red is inching up his neck, and he’s staring at me, equal parts furious and hurt, but the resolve is hardening on his face.
“No?” My brow raises.
Van steps into me. “Do you remember who had to bring you back?” He jabs his chest. “Me.Ihad to see what that monster did to you—” His voice cracks, and he breathes out harshly through his nose. “Ihad to put you back together and I can’t—I can’t see that happen to youagain.”
My face softens, and I curl my hand around the back of his neck.
“We’ve walked through some fire together, haven’t we,” I state. “I promise I’ll keep my head down—”
“Can’t you stay on the ship?” Van pleads.
I open my mouth to answer but I see Blackwell over his shoulder as he appears on deck. His eyes sharpen on us as he sees how I’m standing with Van. The glare he’s throwing at my hand on Van’s neck is scalding. I squeeze my fingers reassuringly before I step away, as Blackwell approaches.
“Is there anything I need to be aware of?” Blackwell demands.
