Page 93 of Crossbones
“Fuck,” I curse.
Always impeccable timing—always destined to be interrupted. Caspian groans and rolls off the bed. I follow, pulling clothing out of a trunk as another knock comes.
“One minute!” I bark.
I watch Caspian getting dressed as I pull on pants. I understand now why he likes the sea—only claiming to be a man of salt and sin is easier than straddling two words behind two masks. Safer too. He has a crease between his brow; the humor from before is gone, and he’s lost in thought. We’re nearly dressed and Caspian runs his hands through his hair, sighing heavily.
I look over at him and he shakes his head. “Sometimes I don’t want any of it,” he says abruptly.
I finish lacing my boots and stand. “Want what?”
He shrugs, looking like he doesn’t know the answer. “Sometimes I don’t think any of it’s real—you asked how am I supposed to know who I am, if I’m so many things at once, but what if none of them are true?”
I stand up from lacing my boots andwe stare at each other. Here he is again—that man who isn’t hiding. No masks—no humorous prince throwing out pretty words. Just the real Caspian—and damn if it isn’t fucking doing things to me.
There’s another knock. My jaw grinds together before I yell at whoever it is on the other side, my eyes never leaving Caspian. “I said one fucking minute!”
“It’s always a fucking performance,” Caspian says, bitterness in his words. “I’m always trying to make people see me the way I need them to see me—but it’s never real—it’s never true—”
“What about when you’re with me? Is that a performance?” There’s an edge in my tone that immediately has him taking a step towards me. His eyes flash and he grips my shoulders.
“No,” he says fervently. “No—the only time I feel like I’m not pretending is with you. It’s the only time I actually feel like I exist. Me—whoever that is—” He shakes his head and his words drop to a whisper, intense with emotion. “That,just now—” he gestures towards the bed and a look of rapture takes over his face, heady and potent with words he can’t, or won’t, articulate. “Us together is the kind of real that doesn’t need an explanation.”
Relief hits me and my hand snakes around his neck. I grip him hard and step into him even more. Words lodge in my throat but I need to get them out.
“When I look at you, I don’t see the Fox or the Prince—I seeyou. You just need to be Caspian, the one I get to see when we’re alone. The man behind the mask who pushes me to get out of my own way. The only man who defies me yet submits to me with a sigh and a smirk—” I jerk him closer as my passion takes over and my words grind through my teeth. “That’s what I think—what Ifeel, is real.”
“Captain!” The voice on the other side of the door makes me take a deep inhale.
“I’m going to kill whoever that is,” I growl.
“Captain! You need to come quick!”
“Motherfucker—” I snarl.
Caspian breathes out a laugh, but he’s looking at me with deep emotion brimming in his eyes and I wish we didn’t have to cut this short. I want to prove to him he’s real—I want to prove to him he’s enough. But the knock comes again and I know our time is up.
CASPIAN
I don’t want to leave the cabin. Being wrapped up in each other for the last twenty-four hours was like being lost in a beautiful, alternate reality. No masks, no pretending—just us. After having to steal so many small moments, this felt like a big one. But the world doesn’t stop turning and once again we’re interrupted.
Blackwell rips open the door. “What!” He snaps.
Lan is standing there in the hallway and as I come up to Blackwell’s shoulder, Harrison appears from down the hall.
“What the fuck is the hold up?” He demands.
“He wouldn’t answer the door!” Lan throws his hand at Blackwell.
Harrison glares at me over Blackwell’s shoulder, immediately assuming all of this is my fault. I smirk at him and give a little wave. He bares his teeth at me then looks at Blackwell.
“Captain, there’s a problem on deck,” he says.
“What kind of problem?”
“Some of the men are saying they don’t want to go deeper into the Stormwrack.”
Blackwell grumbles something about a mutiny before stalking down the hallway. We all follow him out into the midmorning sun to see the majority of the crew gathered on the main deck. Van rushes over to me, concern written on his face.
