Page 34 of Her Shadow so Dark and Lovely
“Easy now, little mouse,” Sila murmurs. I give myself a moment to blink myself into existence in the new world forming around me. I have to check that all my fingers and toes are inthe right places. The curse sits like a weight, warm, in my chest. Content. “Now stay close. The Library may have let you in, but that doesn’t mean it will let you out again.”
I stare at her in alarm as she steps around me to lead the way. The ground beneath our feet forms into an endless staircase that goes on forever into the darkness. That magical essence is stronger here. Ever present against my skin, and constantly shifting like a living thing. As I follow Sila, watching the sway of her cloak, the labyrinth seems to build out ahead of us. It stretches out, infinite and impossible. Perhaps I needed to rethink my definition of impossible.
There is a pattern to it, or so I think. It shifts before my eyes and it doesn’t just rearrange itself, it rearranges my thoughts, too. I know it has changed, but my mind tries to convince me otherwise. It would be easy to go mad here. To lose yourself.
“That went better than I thought it would,” Sila says, keeping her voice low. “Here, I can see you easily enough, but you’ll need the light. It will only get darker the further in we go, and I suspect the Library will not give up its secrets easily.”
Sila pauses and holds out the lantern she had hooked to the pack. It’s unlit. She does not light it. I feel sick at the thought of even trying. I concentrate, marking the sigil on the glass. It summons a soft low light, like it always does. It’s a feeble attempt.
When I look up, Sila is frowning at the lantern, her face cast in long shadows from the meagre light. Irritation itches at my skin.
If you wanted better, you should have done it yourself.
I snatch the lantern from her and stalk on down the stairs. It takes a moment for her footsteps to follow. She easily falls into step beside me. I can’t even walk furiously away from her and her cursed long legs. I forge onward.
“Lorel.Lorel,” comes Sila’s voice, a hiss in the darkness.
I stop dead in my tracks. Take a deep, silent breath, and turn back to her. Of course, I have no idea where we are going. My face flushes with warmth. Sila stands in an open archway, a few steps back, and it is only now I see rows of them along the walls of the steps. I hadn’t even noticed the walls appearing. Sila turns towards the darkness, greeting it as an old friend, and I scurry to catch her up. I have no desire to lose her in this place. I blink as that emotion surges, too. A fear that I might be parted from her, rising unbidden and overwhelming before it recedes again. Returning to a level of concern that feels more appropriate for the situation. I plunge after her into the dark.
Chapter 19
Lorel
The darknessin the hallway is claustrophobic, pressing in breathlessly on all sides. I follow along behind Sila, trailing like the barest shred of a ghost. The entrance has long since been consumed by the endless void behind us. The path ahead is undetermined and entirely opaque. Sila is confident and sure as she strides into the dark, boots clipping on the stone sharply.
I study the outline of her as I walk. She had called herself wraith-like, and down here with the halfhearted light glancing off the edges of her hair and cloak, she is. The light only serves to emphasise the dark shadow of her form.
And it is an entirely lovely form. Without warning, that sudden desire threatens to overwhelm me. It makes my heart race, and for a moment I think it will give out. My breath catches silently in my throat and I choke on it. A heady, overwhelming wanting sending me loose-limbed and desperate.
And just as quickly as it came, it dissipates. Bleeding out of me and back into the darkness. I falter, my toe catching on the stone. I fall to the ground in a pile, the lantern hitting the groundhard enough to likely cause a dent. Another emotion hits me, and this one I am all too familiar with.
Useless. Unworthy. You will hold her back.
The thoughts crowd me, and this time it is despair that threatens to overwhelm me. The knowledge that I am nothing more than a useless, sad little scribe. Something to be pitied. It is relentless. I can hardly see the lantern light. It must have gone out. I couldn’t even keep my lantern lit. My chest aches and I can hear Orielle’s voice admonishing me again. And again. And again.Why can’t you just be more? Don’t you want to be more? You’re betraying their memory.
I want to scream back at her. I could. I could scream at the top of my lungs. Scream?—
Long fingers wrap around the sides of my face, nails digging into the flesh of my cheeks and scalp. Cold. Shockingly cold. The pain, sharp as anything, cutting through the dark reverie. Everything is dark.
Where did the light go?
I should call for it. Summon it back to me.
I take a deep breath, dragging air down into my lungs, and one hand moves, smothering my mouth. I try to bite it, try to reach for the owner of those hands. Howdarethey? I try to find purchase with my nails and fists. I squirm against them. I wrench free, breathing deeply and the other hand moves, slamming my jaw shut and holding it fast. I struggle against ink dark eyes, welling over with blood. Light glancing off them. Sharp teeth, bloody and clenched. Blood sprays across my face. I am pressed against a body, firm and unyielding. I don’t know this creature that holds me, know nothing but the dark.
“Lorel. Little mouse, please. Come back to me. Don’t let it hold you in fear,” it whispers into my ear.It?
Cold self-loathing sinks through me. Despair. Dark and overwhelming. As if I have already lost.
I should give up.
Yet I still struggle against my captor. Why are they evenbothering? Nails dig into my skin, holding my jaw and face tight against the urge to scream. I don’t know why they’re trying so hard. I can’t make a noise, anyway.
Oh.
The darkness clears. My little lantern light returns, offering a glimpse of Sila’s horrific form, the one that I had seen in the scriptorium that night. Her breath caresses my cheek, a constant whisper begging me to return to her. Shadows wrap around me, holding me to her while she keeps my jaw shut. I go limp as all the fear and hatred and anger slides away. Disappears back into the dark. Her grip goes slack.
“Lorel?” there is panic in her voice. I rest my head against her collarbones, trying to catch my breath. The soft curve of her breast presses against my cheek. She lets out a breath. Relief, maybe. Her fingers comb through my hair, as gentle as anything. Reassuring. She doesn’t move, just holds me there a moment as if she’s trying to get her breath back, too.
