Page 23 of A Pack of Honey
They'd seen the guys drop me off and head into the Café with the Evergreen pack.
I take a deep breath and tell them what I haven't told anyone except my grandmother, who probably doesn't remember it. "I think we're scent-sensitive.” That's actually a lie. I know we're scent-sensitive. It's the only explanation for my bone-deep need to be around them, their scents, and their purrs. Staying out of their tent every night has become harder and harder.
However, the girls don't go wide-eyed, squeal with delight, or do anything I expect them to do at that proclamation.
"Of course you are," Clara says, exasperation dripping from every word.
"I don't think any of us believed you would let a pack of alphas camp on your property just for a simple scent match," Winnie says, a bit kinder.
Ugh.I love my friends, but they're too perceptive sometimes.
“Did you keep the scent sensitivity a secret because of what’s going on with your grandma?" Winnie asks, placing a hand on my arm. Winnie and I are hometown girls, but weren't friends in school. We weren't enemies or anything. We just didn't run in the same circles. But after the veneer of high school bullshit fell away, we realized we had a lot more in common personality-wise than we thought. We've been friends ever since.
She's known my grandma almost as long as I have. Grandma was always the first to sign up to be a school chaperone, cook fora bake sale, or take on dance duty. Everyone in town knows and loves her. All of the girls know about her illness.
I swallow down my pride about being able to do all of this myself and nod. They're instantly surrounding me. Winnie and Clara each have an arm around me while Rose and Cali take a hand. It feels dramatic and incredibly comforting all at the same time.
So, I explain—in painful words that prick my heart—my fears. My real fears, not the surface bullshit I've been telling myself and everyone around me, including the Night Pack. Deep down, it's not that they can't fit into my lifestyle or that I can't fit into theirs. Not that I'm not the right person for a big city pack, not about my farm and the issues there.
The real fear that keeps me insisting they sleep in the yard at arm's length is the fear that wecanwork it all out. They can fit in here. I can still have my farm. They can balance their business and me. But when everything is said and done, I'll end up alone and in a care facility, dying of a broken heart. Because I came into this world without parents who cared, and I don't want to leave this world with no one I love left to care for me. Yes, Grandma has me, but that's not the same as her pack, her alphas.
By the end, I'm crying, and the other girls look on the verge of tears. Cali has a few tear tracks, but she's generally pretty weepy. I never think of myself as a crier, but holding back is hard.
I swipe them away with the tissue Clara offers me. The tissue holder is bedazzled, and the contrast with this serious moment makes me smile slightly.
"I asked Grandma whether she'd have chosen to be in a pack given where she is now, what happened to her alphas, and what's about to happen with her illness,” I sniffle. “She fell out of lucidity before she answered, so I just don't know, and it's killing me."
"Sunny," Winnie chides softly, "you know what she would say."
I take a deep breath. I do know. I know what my happy, loving, wonderful grandma would say. She wouldn't have traded the love she found with her scent-sensitive pack and mates for anything in the world. She would have taken a single day with them over a thousand years healthy and alone.
"I just wish she could have told me herself," I confide. "I know it's selfish right now. She's going through so much. It just… it would have helped."
Clara squeezes me, and Rose pats my hand.
"It is worth it," Cali whispers. "I know it's not the same as hearing it from her, but if you let it be, it can be worth it."
I squeeze her hand. "It's not the same, but I still appreciate it."
We smile. There's a long beat of silence.
"Can we talk about something else?" I finally ask, wanting to steer back to non-crying territory. The good friends that they are, they all nod, and we launch into other topics.
The night is spent on wine, food, gossip, and laughter. Since I'm not driving, I overindulge a bit. By the time we decide to leave, I can walk, but I definitely can't drive.
Cali knocks on the Café door, and the guys file out. As the Evergreen Pack emerges, Seth scoops Cali into his arms and plants a playful but firm kiss on her lips. She bats at him and giggles as he sets her down. Bax wraps her in his arms from behind, and scent marks the top of her head. Connor holds her hand in his, a broad grin on his face. An ache growing in the pit of my stomach widens, and my heart clenches in a feeling that might be jealousy or longing. I can't parse it out yet.
Behind them, Cole, Luca, Jess, and Hunt exit the Café. Each has their eyes fixed on me, scanning me for signs of injury or stress. They all smell like heaven. Their scents are light, andI wonder how much time they get to relax and hang out with friends. Cali and her pack make their way to Seth's Jeep.
"You smell good tonight, Sunshine," Jess says. "Did you have fun?"
Like them, my scent had probably turned sweeter from all the soul-purging I'd done at dinner. I nod, glancing at Cali's pack again as they help her into the car. Seth grabs a handful of her ass as she climbs in, and they laugh as she allows it. Grandma's right. I'm just hurting myself, and all the reasons seem small and insignificant compared to a scent-sensitive match. Or maybe that's the wine.
Luca places a hand on my lower back, and they guide me back to their car. I don't pull away or resist. Cole slides into the driver's seat while Hunt takes the passenger front. Jess slides into the right-hand seat, and when Luca offers his hand to help me into the car, I take it instead of refusing. His dark eyebrow quirks up. I squeeze his hand lightly, and he squeezes right back.
I'd like to say that I face my fears, invite the guys into the house, and express my emotions like a big girl. But in actuality, I fall asleep after drinking all that wine and find myself on my couch in the morning with a massive hangover.
Cole
