Page 100 of Kai
“The yacht, yes.” Was I capable of telling the whole fucked-up story? Kai had told me his. It was my turn. “I spent a lot of time hiding from the suitors Father picked for us. It was like being trapped in a prison full of predators hunting you. I confronted Father and refused to cooperate with his plans. We had a huge fight. He threatened to use his influence to rescind my admission to my doctorate program. You can imagine how that went down.”
“Oh, yeah.” Kai fisted his hands, then snapped his fingers in the air.“Boom.”
“I sent him to hell.” My nails sank into my palms at the memory. “I was fed up and tired of fighting him. So, that night, I shot out of his suite and stalked to the gunwales…”
I grew quiet as I traveled back in time to a dark night, illuminated only by the silver light of a crescent moon peeking between the dark clouds. The black surf swelled and ebbed well below my feet. Like me, the ocean was in a pissy mood. I couldn’tremember climbing the gunwales or stepping forward, but I recalled the drop, the rush of air, the seconds that seemed to lengthen into hours.
I punched into the water feet first. The soles of my feet stung, and the cold hit me all at once. The ocean hugged me in death’s liquid embrace. Down I went, pulled by gravity. Emotions flashed through my head. Doubt. Regret. Rage.
“With your permission, I’m gonna ask a hard question,” Kai said, bringing me back to the present. “Did you really want to die that night?”
“No.” I studied my fingers. “I know life is a privilege, but my anger drove me. I acted on impulse. I got mad and allowed Father to push me over the edge. Literally.”
My memories returned to the night the ocean swallowed me. Everything had been dark, blurry, and muted. Saltwater stung my eyes and poured into me in gushes, invading my throat, cascading down to my stomach, and weighing me down. My lungs fought a desperate struggle.
“When I looked up, the moon’s thin smile outlined the yacht’s hull above me,” I murmured. “That silver grin. I never understood if the universe meant to mock or soothe me, to welcome me to hell or farewell me from life.” I shrugged. “The yacht lumbered over me like a ginormous whale. The shadow of the hull grew smaller by the second. Below me, an endless void gaped. I knew I’d made a mistake, but since I couldn’t swim, it was too late to correct it.”
The images flowed in my mind, dark and liquid like the ocean had been. “I was drowning when a muted sound caught my attention. The surface broke with barely a splash. A human torpedo headed my way. The figure grew larger until I recognized his face. Jaw tight, bubbles rushing from his nose, his eyes glinted with determination.”
“Nix came after you,” Kai guessed, breaking mymemories’ hypnotic hold.
I blinked tears out of my eyes. “How could you possibly know?”
“From what I know of the man, this is what he would’ve done,” Kai said. “I also heard you crying last night. Nix’s name came up a lot. I was worried. I sat by your door all night until you went to sleep.”
It took all I had to get myself together and ask the question. “Why?”
“I wanted to be nearby in case you needed me to console you.”
He’d wanted toconsoleme?
I closed my mouth and stared at this man who’d gone through hell and yet pulled himself out of the abyss and returned to the world with insight, purpose, and joy. Could I do the same?
“Come here.” Kai reached out and transferred me to his lap. Wrapping his arms around me, he pulled me against his chest and held me in a hug that was both tight and gentle. I rested my head on his shoulder. His body enfolded me like a fortress. The warm touch of his skin lent me the courage to go on.
“Nix came after me, the reckless alpha hero that he was.” My mouth pulled up into a wry grin, but tears streamed down my cheeks. For once, crying in front of Kai didn’t seem like a violation of my rules. “Nix was a superb swimmer, like you are.”
Another memory flashed in my head, my hand stretching up toward his, his grip as it tightened around my forearm. My downward momentum stalled. Next thing I knew, Nix was pulling me up, wrestling me out of the bowels of the ocean, his feet kicking hard even if my lungs felt as if they were about to explode.
“He snatched me to the surface and got me back to the boat,” I said. “For a while, we both lay on the yacht’s lower deck,gasping for breath. I don’t know how many times I retched that night.”
“Been there, done that,” Kai said, and I looked up at him. “I mean, the part about swallowing a ton of saltwater and then giving it back.”
“During your angry phase,” I remembered. “When you took all those risks and didn’t care if you died?”
“Yeah.” He took my hand and kissed my knuckles. “You and I, we reacted in similar ways.”
“Not really,” I quipped. “You took the self-improvement route. I chose self-destruction.”
“Wow.”
“What?”
“That’s like, really insightful, mindful even.”
“You don’t think I can be those things?”
“Can’t you see?” He dazzled me with his smile. “You already are.”
