Page 4 of Kai
“Way to go, Astor,” I muttered, since the only conversations that happened around here were between me and myself.“You’re the poster child for the theory that a high IQ and hard work will get you nothing but an early ticket to your grave. Drive yourself to the ground and die alone without having accomplished shit.”
Father would love my failures. He’d eat them up, savor them like fine caviar, and then regurgitate them like a bull chewing its cud and vomit all over my self-esteem.
“Not gonna happen.” I took a leveling inhale. Even though Father would never recognize my achievements, one day,I would see my name written in the science textbooks next to the word “cure.”
I had high standards, and I could come across as grouchy to strangers, but I was most demanding on myself, impatient and as pig-headed as a mule, as my sisters had often pointed out, combining animals to highlight my extreme stubbornness. They weren’t wrong. I was my worst enemy, my ego’s brutal antagonist.
“Sleep deprived, famished, and trapped in a prison of your own creation.” I had only myself to blame. “Isolated, and so lonely that even the sound of your voice startles you. Ugh.” I groaned. “Shake it off, Astor. Self-pity isnotyour friend. Not that you have any friends. Get back to work.”
Blinking off the weariness, I put my eyes to the microscope again. I’d been so close to attaining homeostasis this time around. Then the sample had degraded. In a snap, my experiment failed and my hypothesis remained unproven.
This would be one more entry in my journal of failures, one more episode of whatnotto do. My father’s infuriating laughter echoed in my head. The memory of the last time I’d seen him returned to haunt me.
“You want to cure what?” He’d cackled at the dinner table, ridiculing me in front of all my sisters. “Cersi, there are hundreds of scientists who are smarter than you, and they haven’t found the cure for shit, let alone for the fucking disease that killed your mother.”
I started. “But my angle—”
“I don’t give a fuck about your angle.” He slammed a hand on the table, shaking the Limoges dishes and the Baccarat glasses. “I own a shitload of pharmaceutical companies. We don’t fund spoiled brats who think they know everything. We produce medicines that make us money. That’s not you, so stop it with the worthless science crap!”
“Science isnotfucking worthless,” I snarled. Prudence had never been my style, and my mouth often ran away with my brain. “I can make a difference. I know I will!”
“Can your fucked-up attitude and find a fucking way to manage that terrible temper of yours,” Father grumbled between sips of Scotch. “How else are you ever gonna find a husband?”
“A husband?”I choked on the word. “I don’t want one of those!”
“Then you’re in luck.” Father flashed his spiteful sneer. “No man in his right mind is ever gonna put up with you. Unless you change your atrocious attitude. If you do, you still have a tiny window of time before you become a useless hag. Get yourself a proper man.”
“A proper man?”I sucked in an indignant breath. A scowl tightened my face until it ached. Father was a misogynistic asshole, but tonight? He’d crossed a line.
“Who the fuck are you?” I spat. “A medieval tyrant?”
“I’m trying to steer you toward success,” he growled, raking his fingers through his thick, white mane. “You need a strong husband to squash your temper and crush your whims, girl. You’re so unbearably intense with all your scientific bullshit that you come across like an insufferable bore and an insane, entitled brat.”
I gritted my teeth. He always scored a hit when he called me insufferable, insane, and spoiled. The insults ached in the pit of my stomach. On my worst days, his name-calling left me wondering if he wasn’t a little itsy-bitsy right about me.
“Husbands,” Father proclaimed in his thunderous voice. “That’s what you all need. A rich one with a firm hand would be good for you, Cersi. Focus on spitting out grandsons and adding to the Astor gene pool.” He swayed the silver fork over the table, pointing at the lot of us. “It’s the least you ungrateful little shits can do for this family.”
My sisters and I exchanged wary glances. Father was in a mood. Hell, he was always in a mood around us. Thena, my oldest sister, widened her eyes at me, warning me to keep my mouth shut, but I spotted the hurt in her gray eyes. She was the heart behind The Astor Group, and yet Father treated her as if she were an indentured servant. He didn’t recognize her hard work or give her any credit.
Tears filled Missy’s chocolate eyes as she begged me with her gaze not to antagonize our raging father. Her lower lip trembled. My heart broke for my baby sister. She was too kind and sensitive to be an Astor.
Affie, the irreverent witch, flashed me a ferocious smirk. My reckless sister embraced fear, didn’t give a fuck, and thrived on chaos. She’d challenged me with a lift of her eyebrows that asked,Will you educate Father, or should I?
Three plus years ago, at twenty-seven, I’d been a full-grown adult and so were my sisters. Still, I could never back down from a dare, especially if it came from Affie. She was barely a year younger than me, and we both had fight ingrained in our DNA. As the middle daughters, she and I were bookended by Thena’s fabulous poise and Missy’s genuine sweetness.
Well, fuck that.
Affie and I grew up battling it out for the title of bestest, mostest, snarkiest, bitchiest hellcat in the house. The standings changed depending on the day, but overall, the bestest and bitchiest records stayed with me. If Affie was a demon, then I’d be the devil. I’d gladly educate Father in the pitfalls of being a chauvinist pig.
“You are the biggest, meanest, greediest fucking asshole that there is!” My sassy mouth took over. “You can take your fucking plans and stick them up your ass. I’m not doing shit for you! Ever!”
“Don’t you dare speak to me like that,” he rumbled awarning.
“I refuse to spread your disgusting genes around,” I sneered. “The world already sucks with you in it. You’re done, you son of a bitch. Nix is dead. Dead!” I swallowed a sob. “It crushes me he’s gone, but at least he doesn’t have to put up with your bullshit anymore.”
“Enough!” Father snatched his tumbler and pushed off the table, sending his chair tumbling backward. “You’re a waste of sperm, Cersi. You want to get your ridiculous project funded? Don’t expect a penny from me. You’re crazy if you think I’m gonna waste my money on you.”
He whirled on his heels and stomped out of the ridiculous Versailles-lookalike dining room, leaving me feeling like a worm crushed beneath his heel and enraged beyond reason, until all I could see were flashes of red lightning. On impulse, I got up to follow, but Thena caught my hand.
