Page 48 of Kai
“Since we’re waiting.” He cocked his eyebrows at me. “You’ve got more questions.”
I donned the cap and lowered the brim. “Am I that easy to read?”
“I’m learning.” He grinned behind the binoculars. “Ask.”
“Why did you tell me all that stuff?”
“You mean about your sisters and what they said about our connection?”
“Yes.”
“I promised I wouldn’t keep any secrets from you.” He pushed up from the ground, leaned his back against the rock opposite to me, and, holding his binoculars in one hand, fixed his gaze on me. “I’m a straight shooter, and I think you’re the same. So why not put it all on the table and see what happens?”
Yeah, why the fuck not, Astor?
Because…
Go ahead, find a good reason to keep any kind of joy and pleasure out of your life.
I glanced at the man sitting across from me, then lowered my stare to the ground, drawing lazy circles on the red dirt with my fingertips. Kai didn’t fit into any of my categories. Still, I had an easy way out of his what-ifs, courtesy of my no-men, no-love,no-aggravation rule.
Growing up Astor had broken my heart. Every man who’d ever approached me wanted Father’s money, not me. Father himself had proven that males like him were an existential threat to the female species. After my father had done his damage, if there had been any pieces of my heart left intact, they broke on the day Nix died. Nix was gone, but Father raged on. I’d learned good men died to serve their country and evil men thrived, profiting from the blood, sweat, and pain of others.
After Nix died, parting from my sisters had pulverized whatever shards of my heart remained. Yep, that was me, tough on the outside and a broken, fucked-up mess inside.
I’d never had the will or the inclination to put my wrecked heart back together. Committed to my routine and driven to succeed in my quest, I’d learned to live without feeling much of anything. But Kai, he made me feel things. Powerful, overwhelming emotions and sizzling lust. Could it be that for the first time in my life, I had a crush on a guy?
No man in his right mind is ever gonna put up with you.Father’s voice reverberated in my head.You’re infuriating, worthless, heartless. You’re hardly a catch.
It would be so easy to get addicted to Kai, to his smile, company, and sex appeal. But why take the risk when my focus should be on my work and my sisters? Why start something doomed from the start? Why even try?
You think you’re miserable now? Ha! Wait and see what’s gonna happen to you when he inevitably drops you like the cantankerous hot potato you are.
Thanks for that, Father.
You’re welcome, Cersi.
Fuck you, asshole.
I glanced up at the broiling sun, trying to grill us into sweaty chunks of meat. Perhaps if I could rebuild myself, I coulddefy Father’s expectations and explore whatever this was with Kai.
Cease and desist, you dimwit. You’re the no-love sister. You don’tdolove.
A bunch of stupid tears burned in my eyes. It took all I had to hide them. I focused on the chicken scratches my fingers had indented on the dirt. Were those curving lines forming a heart?
Fuck me. They were hearts!
Swiping my hand over the dirt, I erased all traces of my subliminal art, hoping that Kai hadn’t noticed. I’d drawn fucking hearts on the ground.Me!
It was time to get real.
I made a point of not meeting Kai’s gaze. “I don’t think I can do this.”
“Do what?”
“Test my sisters’ hypothesis.” I lowered my head and hid behind my bangs and the brim of my hat. “Testus. I’m just… not capable.”
For a moment, I spotted a hint of something in Kai’s eyes in my peripheral vision. Disappointment maybe? Then the placid smile returned to his face, and his Zen smothered my emotions.
