Page 91 of Kai
After a little while, I felt calm and focused. Maybe there was something to this breathing slash meditation thing. I sighed and opened my eyes. “Where did you learn your calming magic?”
“The Marines trained me.” He smiled. “Although I learned the basics of it before I joined, when I spent a few months in a Buddhist monastery in Nepal.”
“Nepal?”
“I was on a learning kick,” he moved on before I could ask more questions. “It’s a useful skill to have, especially when you’ve got to ground yourself or catch some Zs in a combat zone.”
“For sure.” When I found the courage to speak again, I asked, “Are you mad at me?”
He drew his eyebrows together. “Why would I be mad atyou?”
“Last night?” I met his eyes. “Today?”
“I’m not mad.” His chest rose with a breath. “I’m sorry I didn’t include you in the meeting. I prioritized your safety and rest, but now I understand your need to know.”
“Because I’m a control freak,” I huffed, staring at my hands.
“Because you’ve fought hard to take your life’s reins,” he said instead. “Plus, you’re curious, smart, and resourceful. You deserve access to information so that you can make your own decisions. I’d planned to share every bit of info with you. Is now a good time?”
He briefed me quickly on the intel Javier and Micah had shared. When he was done, I allowed my gaze to roam over the water. Decked in azures and aquas, the cove sparkled like a rare jewel. There was no judgment in Kai’s silence. He was all presence and support.
“I was awful last night,” I ventured. “I’m not proud when my weaknesses show up.”
“Pain is not a weakness,” he offered quietly. “It’s a condition, part of the human experience, as is suffering. It’s a good thing if you learn from it.”
I met his eyes. “How can pain be a good thing?”
“From pain, we learn health.”
I opened my mouth and closed it. Was that how it worked?
“You’ve got a highly evolved concept of pain, Obi-Kai Kenobi.”
He smiled, settled a hand on my face, and turned my head. “I’m a good listener.”
My throat croaked with a swallow. “I’m sorry about some of my behavior last night.” Apologies were hard for me, but I pushed on. “I had reasons for what I did, but—”
“I know,” he said and left it at that.
I hesitated to break the silence again. “Was I a total asshole to Javier?”
“Yes.” No lies from Kai, and yet he compensated with a wry smile. “But he understands where you’re coming from, and he’s a big boy. His ego is not as fragile as you think. He can take as well as he can give.”
“Yeah,” I admitted reluctantly. “I noticed.”
“The guy has gone through a lot of shit in the last three years,” Kai said. “He was by Nix’s side when he died.”
I snapped my back straight. “What did you say?”
“Guzman served under Nix,” Kai explained. “Your brother tried to outflank the tangos laying fire on his unit. He got caught in the crossfire. Javier went after Nix. He almost got him out, but they got hit with mortar fire. Javier got hurt that day.”
The breath shot out of my lungs. It was my rotten luck that on the day I had to vet someone, that someone had been the man who had attempted to save my brother’s life.
“Oh, shit.” I slapped my forehead. “Now Ireallyfeel like an asshole.”
“There’s more,” Kai continued. “Guzman infiltrated hostile territory to find Missy. He protected her from the NWO and walked through a nest of vipers to save Missy’s life.”
I frowned. “You’re talking figuratively, right?”
