Page 97 of Kai
“But then…?”
I hesitated, and a surge of emotion strangled my throat. “Youhappened, Cece.”
“What do you mean?” she asked.
“When your sisters told me about this strange connection between us, I thought the universe was giving me a chance at redemption. I wanted it to work out between us.”
Her chest sank, and she looked down at her hands. “But then you realized I’m hard to love.”
“False,” I snapped, then softened my voice. “You were—youareso much more than I deserve.”
“Excuse me?” She frowned.
“You dazzle me, Cece,” I pushed the words out. “You also scare the crap out of me.”
“Oh, yeah.” She sighed. “I can be pretty scary, in that, we agree.”
“That’s not what I mean. I’m scared of the notion of you and me. Of seizing this chance and running with it. Of my hubris, thinking I’d overcome my grief, believing that I had it all figured out and then finding out that’s not the case, that it may never be the case. All those years working to understand myself, find my peace, maintain my Zen, and yet, that first time, up at the ridge?”
“Yes?”
“I really wanted to, you know, but grief and regret hit me out of nowhere. I had a flashback of Malia dead on the beach, and then I saw you wet and drowned, right next to her.”
“Oh, God.” Her lips quavered. “Why didn’t you tell me this before?”
“It’s not like we’ve been communicating fluently. Plus, I didn’t want you to think less of me once you realized how I’d failed to protect Malia and Leilani.”
“I don’t think you failed at anything,” she said.
“But I do. Think about it. What right do I have to seize this chance? What if I can’t protect you? You’re in danger all the time. What if I lose you?”
“I—”
“I did the work,” I spoke over her. “I’m proud of the life I’ve built and everything I’ve learned about the human spirit, about myself. I’ve survived all my losses so far. But…”
“But what?” she asked, hanging on my every word.
“Despite a ton of self-work, after all these years, I’ve never come close to falling for anyone.” I swallowed a dry gulp. “But now…”
“What about now?”
“Now, things have changed,” I said. “I’ve fallen… for you.”
Her eyes widened into moons, and her hand shot up to her chest. “Me?”
“Yes, you.”
She looked like she was grappling for words. “How do you know this?”
“Because…” I hesitated and then pushed the truth out. “I don’t think I can survive losing you.”
Chapter Thirty
Cece
My heart stopped beating and then ballooned right out of my chest. “You mean you—”
“I think I’ve been afraid to give myself total permission to go after you.”
