Page 43 of His Innocent Omega
The voices drifted around me, muffled, and not really registering. Snuggling down into the sofa, I tried to adjust my body to a more comfortable position. One hand rubbed Julianna’s back, where she was snuggled against my chest.
Wade and Bash had reiterated Grayson’s advice that I needed to relax when holding her. The omegas, especially Ryan, hadbeen encouraging and offered me tips and tricks. Ryan might be the youngest of the group, but he worked at the daycare and had a ton of experience with babies, including his own daughter.
I still felt overwhelmed by parenthood, coming to terms with the fact that Julianna wasn’t all that impressed with me, and that it was a lot harder than I had thought it would be. But they’d all told me they had all felt the same things at one point or another, and it was perfectly normal.
My belly full of cheesy pizza, I had fed Julianna a bottle and then dozed off with her in my arms. I hadn’t gone into a deep sleep. It was the kind where you sort of drifted, and could still hear the sounds and voices around you.
Suddenly, I felt gentle hands scoop under the baby, and lift her off me. My arms flailed for her, and I tried to open my eyes, but they felt heavy. “Shh, she’s fine. Ryan is putting her down in her crib.”
Those same arms slid under me, swinging me into the air like I was weightless. My eyes blinked open, and I stared into Grayson’s dark orbs. “Don’t fuss at me, Wyatt. I’m just carrying you up to bed, and then I’ll go. I promise.”
Go? I hadn’t even known he’d returned. Not having the energy to argue with him, I did what I wanted to do and rested my head on his shoulder, breathing in his dark, spicy scent. Why did he have to smell so good all the time? It wasn’t fair.
He whispered to someone, Ryan probably, then he was gently leaning down and depositing me in between my sheets. Feeling the bed dip, I opened my eyes. Grayson stretched out next to me, on top of the blankets. Dusky shadows filled the room. It was probably way too early for me to be in bed, but all the omegas today had said the best thing I could do was to nap when the baby napped, at least for the first few weeks while my bodyhealed. And the last few days had exhausted me.
Grayson brushed a curl back that had fallen over my forehead his eyes soft, “Wyatt, I’m sorry for the way I’ve been acting.”
“Jamie said your alpha pheromones are making you act crazy.” My voice was croaky from sleep.
“Something like that,” his eyes burned into me, “doesn’t make it right, though. I drew up some papers for you to look over. A tentative co-parenting agreement. I promise I will do my best not to be an overbearing, pushy, have everything-my-way alpha.”
Frowning, I asked, “Did Jamie make you say that last part?”
Laying there in the semi-darkness with him, in my bed with a blanket barrier, somehow felt more intimate than anything we had ever done. It was strange, but it was somehow more raw and honest.
“He may have strongly suggested it,” he smiled, but it wasn’t wide enough for his dimples to come out, and a stab of disappointment hit me.
Licking my lips, I thought about what he had said, then responded honestly. “I’ll look over the papers. I need some time, though. I can’t have you here. Not right now. I need to bond with Julianna, and I can’t do that with you here. And I need to think about everything between you and me. I’ll let you know when you can see her.”
He looked hurt, but I couldn’t help what he was feeling. Surprisingly, he didn’t argue, just nodded his acceptance of what I wanted. What I needed.
“And I don’t appreciate you implying to Finn that I might have post-partum omega syndrome,” I told him, because I needed to address that and how it had made me feel. “Just because of a few tears. Anyone would have reacted the same way after what you pulled. I was scared and angry at you, but I don’t want to harmmyself or Julianna. That made me feel like you don’t think I’m capable of taking care of my child. And that wasn’t fair. I didn’t need that on top of everything else I’m dealing with now.”
He winced, looking truly upset at how his actions had made me feel. “I’m sorry, I really am. I was just worried about you. There was so much crying. And full disclosure, I am not good with crying omegas. Ask Jamie, he can tell you. But you’re right. I acted like a complete asshole. It wasn’t my intention to make you feel any of the things you did. I really was just trying to help. You want to do it all yourself, and I just want to make things easier, but I made them ten times worse.” At my raised brow, he amended, “Twenty times worse.” I moved my thumb upwards and he snorted, “A hundred times worse?”
Nodding, I agreed, “Close enough.”
“Can we get past it, for Jules’ sake?” his hand caressed my jaw, his thumb rubbing gently on the underside of my chin. Against my better judgement, I wanted to sink into his touch. “I want to be in her life.”
“I’ll try,” I told him, telling my treacherous body to stop thinking how good his touch felt. I did want to get beyond all this craziness for Julianna’s sake.
He brushed the hair off my forehead again. I needed a haircut, badly. “I want to be in your life, too, Wyatt.”
“You didn’t want me.” And I didn’t need or want a mate. But there were parts of me that wanted Grayson. So much.
“I know. I was wrong.”
It was hard for me to believe that his change of mind wasn’t solely to do with the baby. “I…I’m not sure what I want.” I admitted.
He nodded, “That’s fair.”
“I have so many new things I’m dealingwith right now. A new business, moving across the country, a baby, and I didn’t plan on a mate. And I know it makes no sense for me to be upset, but it still feels like you rejected me all those months ago. I shouldn’t care because I didn’t want a mate, but it still fucking hurts. I don’t know what to do with those feelings, I just don’t. I know I’m probably making little sense, but it is what it is. I need to sort out my life right now, and Julianna has to be my first priority. I can’t promise you anything beyond that.”
Taking a deep breath, I added, “I’m not submissive all the time. I can’t be that.”
“Didn’t you like what we did that night?” he questioned.
“Yes, I liked it, but it was a scene. I can’t be in that headspace all the time. I don’t want to be submissive twenty-four seven.”
