Page 68 of Dead Crown
“She likes to be held. There are no fancy requirements.” Lumi tilted his head. “I think you’re making it hard on your head.”
Jaki had said he’d stay, but he'd rejected sex. Lumi barely knew what to do with that. Nobody had ever refused him when their hard cock was pressing against him. Of course, he’d never dared to refuse anyone.
Jaki was there, not that he had anywhere to go right then, and he was making an effort to hold Jacqueline. Tivar had treated her like a pest to foist on someone else.
“I have a feeling you’re not the type to have a wet nurse or a nanny,” said Jaki.
“No,” Lumi said hastily. “I want to care for her myself. Mother never had one either. She fed us herself. I don't want strangers handling her.”
“All right,” Jaki said in a gentle tone. “You know, when you come home, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want. You can care for Jacqueline, rest in your rooms, eat and sleep when you want…whatever. There are no rules.”
No rules sounded like a fantasy world and something Lumi had wanted. Total freedom. Except fantasies weren’t supposed to come true. What did one do with total freedom?
“What?” asked Jaki.
Lumi realized he’d been staring at the Prince, and he turned his head away. “What am I supposed to do?”
“Whatever you want.”
He’d been the perfect entertainer and pleasure slave who pretended so he could keep his sanity. He’d focused on surviving. He didn’t know what else to do besides take care of Jacqueline now.
“You’re a Prince,” added Jaki.
Lumi hadn’t been a Prince in a long time. That boy was long dead in his mind.
“I guess you don’t know how to do that,” Jaki said slowly. “You haven’t had the freedom to make choices, and everybody else has always decided things for you, but I think you can learn. You clearly have some self-direction already.”
“What do you mean?”
“Tivar didn’t care who got you pregnant, and since you never had a baby with him, there must be something wrong with his seed.”
“He’d never do the test to check.”
“Of course not, but he’s not the point. You likely would have ended up pregnant within months at court. You went and bought herbs pretty quickly to prevent it. Tivar would have been angry if he’d known.”
Lumi's fear of having a random baby or his Uncle’s kid was worse. It was easier to return and allow Tivar to continue calling him useless for being unable to conceive.
“I got lucky,” said Lumi. “Elswere was getting over a cold when I came, remember?” Jaki nodded. “I went into the city and found a herb woman before anyone fucked me. When I needed more, I used my wages and made sure I never ran out.”
“You’re not entirely helpless at doing things you want. Maybe you think you are because Tivar controlled you so much, but youcan obviously think for yourself. Now, you don’t have to simply survive.”
How could life be more?
As the river swiftly carried them along, Lumi started feeling better since he didn’t have to sit on the back of a horse. The motion of the boat was more soothing, and Jaki told him to get as much sleep as he could. He said that while he didn’t know a lot about childbirth, it was obvious the process was exhausting, and it didn’t grow easier right away since Jacqueline needed feeding every few hours.
He also helped Lumi to put on the balm for his bruises which were fading. When they were nearly in East Iceland, Jaki asked him something.
“Do you think women are less than men?”
Lumi, lying on the bed with Jacqueline, lifted his head slightly. “No. What kind of question is that?”
“Our Goddess was a woman.”
Where was this coming from? That was obvious since she was called a Goddess and not a God.
“Elira ruled us all in the beginning, and she still does, even though she’s technically not around in the physical,” continued Jaki. “She clearly had no trouble with women doing the ruling back then. The fact that our first ruler here was a man was more of a coincidence. Now, in all other Kingdoms, some have always had a male to carry the line, but not all. If the first child is a woman, she can be the Queen when she grows up. Why not here?”
Lumi shrugged. “Why are only male names passed down? Why does the woman typically take the male’s surname?”
