Page 76 of Dead Crown
***
It was a struggle to get through dinner in Lumi’s sitting room while he held Jacqueline. His throat kept tightening up as he imagined Mother’s things up in the attic, dusty and mostly forgotten. Of course, what else would Elswere have done withthe possessions once he knew no one else in the family was ever returning?
“I want to go up there,” said Lumi. “I want to see it. The necklace-I think she’d want me to have it. If the string is too dried out, I could restring it, and let Jacqueline have it when she’s older.”
Jaki paused with his fork. “I’ll take you up there. I knew there was old stuff up there, and I never went to look. I didn’t want to see it.”
“Why not?”
Jaki poked at the beans on his plate. “It’d be like looking at a graveyard. It’s the leftovers from a time that doesn’t exist anymore. Besides, Reesing wasn’t a Father to me, and your Mother wasn’t mine. I have a few things of Preti. She’ll always be Mother to me.”
“I think mine would have loved you too.”
Jaki chewed a mouthful of peas and shook his head. “Reesing strayed. Elswere said they loved each other very much, and he’s not sure what possessed Reesing to be with my birth mother. I would have been evidence, and no woman wants the results of her husband’s infidelity shoved into her face.”
“True, but I don’t think Mother would have blamed you if Reesing had kept you there to raise alongside me. She wasn’t that kind of woman. Nothing that happened was your fault.”
“Well…maybe you’re right. We won’t know now. Put Jacqueline in the sling so your hands are free when we go. The stairs are quite steep.”
***
Jaki hadn’t been lying. Lumi carefully followed him up the circular, steep stairs and paused while the Prince unlocked the door. Jaki took his elbow when they walked a few steps in.
Old crystal lanterns that hadn’t been charged in years cast a dull light when Jaki touched them, and they swung lightly from the bare rafters. Mostly everything was covered in sheets, and Jaki took him toward the back of the attic and touched another dangling lantern since it was dim there.
Boxes and trunks held things long forgotten. Full of milk, Jacqueline dozed in her sling, and Lumi kept his hands on the warm lump of her body as he looked around. Jaki checked under a few sheets toward one side, and he gently pulled a few away.
Lumi recognized her main jewelry box. She’d had a little one on her vanity with the things she wore most often. The bigger one, nearly four feet high and made from carved Norian wood, had attracted little Lumi plenty of times. He’d loved opening the little compartments to look at the shiny contents.
“It was Mother’s.” Lumi’s chest constricted.
He’d lost interest in her jewelry box once he grew older, and the shiny objects didn’t seem like mysterious treasures anymore. His hand shook as he lifted the top. It squeaked, and there lay the bead necklace with the same faded paint.
“She said we’d see each other soon. She promised…” The necklace blurred as he remembered Mother’s last kiss.
“If you want to go back downstairs…”
“No. I want to see their stuff.” Lumi held his breath for a moment, struggling to keep himself under control. “If you don’t want to stay up here, I can get back down myself.”
“I do want to stay, and I don’t want you to be up here alone.”
Lumi spotted something against the wall and made his way toward it to pull off the sheet. It drifted to the floor as Mother and Father stared back from a portrait a couple of years before the war. He remembered them sitting for it.
He’d thought Father was invincible back then. A man with perfect character. A man who would always do the right thing, never hide secrets from his family, and never lead them intodisaster while trying to fix previous mistakes. Mother smiled next to him with eyes so bright, one would never think she’d had poor vision that couldn’t be corrected with spectacles.
She would have done the right thing. Lumi hadn’t dared to think of them for more than a few seconds in years, and he certainly hadn’t allowed himself to remember being young and truly free.
Tears burned his eyes. “I hate him.”
Jaki’s hand lightly touched his shoulder. “Lumi.”
“Everything was his fault from the start,” Lumi said through gritted teeth. “All because he had to get a replacement-one lie started everything, and it grew worse because he wouldn’t come clean. It’s his fault. Tivar started touching me as a child, and then he spent years trying to get a baby out of me all for the fucking Crown and because Reesing lied and died in the war.”
The skylight darkened and lightened every day. It had been more dependable than Father in the long run. No matter how much he’d withered under his fake older brother, it had always been there, showing the same sky and cycle of light. It never lied or hurt him, and when the light left, he knew it would always return even though he couldn’t get back the pieces cut from him every night.
Jaki cupped his face and pulled him back to the attic. Lumi grabbed his arm, desperate for something solid. “Listen to me. It was Reesing’s fault, but he never meant for any of this to happen. He wanted to spare Aisi the hurt when the first was born dead, and it grew out of control. He never intended for Tivar to do any of that to you, and it was his fault too. Tivar could have been a big brother who protected you and handed the position to you. There were things he could have done right, and he refused. You have every right to be angry at Reesing, but I know he never intended for you or your Mother to be hurt by it. Elswere always said Reesing loved his family even though he kept his secrets.”
Jaki’s lips brushed Lumi’s forehead as they hugged and tried not to crush Jacqueline. He was right because Reesing had loved them all, and he’d had no idea what his oldest, adopted son would turn into. He hadn’t known one wrong thing to spare his wife would snowball and turn into an avalanche.
