Page 12 of Heart of the Mountain
Cutter can’t seem to bring himself to say the actual words – that his dad is dead. My heart squeezes up painfully tight as the pieces of the puzzle come together. “When did he pass?” I whisper.
“Before I moved up here.”
I swallow back tears at the pain laced in his voice. It’s clear he blames himself for whatever happened, so much so that he isolated himself up here on the mountain.
“What about your mom? Does she live close by?”
He barks out a dry, cynical laugh. “Hell no. That woman was in and out of our lives at the drop of a hat. She got bored living in a small town and left every few months, only to come crawling back with a sob story. My old man fell for it every time. For the life of me, I don’t know why he loved her so much. She certainly wasn’t there when he needed her the most.”
“I’m so sorry, Cutter.” I trail off, resting a hand on his shoulder. He shrugs off my hand and stands up, pacing back and forth.
“No,” he barks out. “I don’t need your pity. I wasn’t there, either. I…” His chest rises and falls with choppy breaths, and he keeps flexing his fingers and then balling them up into fists.
I recognize the beginnings of a panic attack when I see one. I hate seeing him like this, controlled by the darkness and shame he’s tried so hard to run from.
Pulling the blankets off, I swing my legs over the couch and stand, joining Cutter as he paces in front of the fireplace. He pauses when he notices me, his eyes roaming all over my face but never meeting mine. I make a risky choice and rest my hand on his chest, covering his pounding heart.
“It’s okay,” I murmur.
“It’s not,” he nearly snarls. “Nothing is okay. He’d still be here if… I fucked up, Sadie. I…”
“Just breathe, Cutter. We can’t change the past, but we get to decide how we live each day in the present.”
His deep blue eyes capture mine, piercing me with an agonizing look of self-loathing, shame, and regret. He shakes his head no and wraps his fingers around my hand on his chest. I think he’s about to rip it away, but instead, he clings to me like I’m the only thing keeping him afloat in his sea of sadness.
I take slow, measured breaths, encouraging him to breathe with me. The raging storm within subsides breath by breath until Cutter finally relaxes. I make another risky choice by lifting my free hand to his face, my fingertips grazing his left temple and cheek. He’s so fragile at this moment, baring his soul for me to see, even if I don’t know every detail of his story yet.
Cutter leans into my touch, closing his eyes and letting me comfort him. When he opens his eyes again, a new look has taken over his features.
He dips his head, brushing his nose against mine. His pine and peppermint scent washes over me, his presence overwhelming every one of my senses. We’re suspended in time and space, our lips inches apart while we breathe the same air.
“Thank you,” he murmurs before pressing his lips to mine.
I welcome his kiss, though I have no experience and no idea what I’m doing. He licks my bottom lip and I open up for him, gasping as he sips from me in long, languid strokes. His handscup the sides of my neck, his thumbs lightly grazing my skin and making my nerves sizzle and pop.
Cutter angles my head slightly so he can deepen the kiss. I hum when he tickles the roof of my mouth, making him growl and do it again. I’m completely lost in his taste, his touch, and the sharp ache blossoming in my core.
“So soft and sweet,” he says to himself before diving in again.
One hand finds the back of my head while the other trails down my body, sparking desire in its wake. Cutter cups my ass, massaging my flesh and making me moan into his kiss. I tilt my head back, breaking our connection and gasping for air.
The next thing I know, Cutter has me up in his arms, and then he’s depositing me back on the couch. This time, he sits next to me, resting his arm on the back of the couch in invitation. I curl up against my sexy, wounded mountain man as he presses play on the movie.
Cutter circles his arm around me, tucking me even closer to him. I want to talk about the kiss, to ask what it means to him and when we can do it again. I want to pick apart every detail of what he told me about his dad and tell him he has to stop punishing himself.
Instead, I lay my head on his chest, listening to his steady heartbeat. He needs this. Needs the silence and space to feel safe again. I can provide that for him. He’s already given me so much without even knowing the real reason I’m here.
My stomach twists at the thought of betraying Cutter. Earlier today, he said everyone at Top Spot Realty is selfish and soulless. Could I ever convince him otherwise? Would Cutter forgive me if I told him now?
I peer up at him as he looks down at me, a soft expression taking over his features. How can I tell him I work for the enemy? This man has already been through so much in his life.Now, he’s finally opened up to someone about his past, and I’m about to break his heart.
“Whatever you’re thinking about so hard can wait,” he says softly.
I nod and rest my head on his chest again. Cutter combs his fingers through my hair, making me feel loved and cared for. We watch the movie in silence while I wrestle with the predicament I’ve found myself in.
I can’t leave Cutter. I also can’t keep the truth from him forever. Shit. What am I going to do?
6
